Fatal 4-Way: Intercontinental Champion The Miz Vs. Cesaro Vs. Kevin Owens Vs. Sami Zayn: Here was the surprise of the evening, as a match that looked like a good one on paper turned out to be pretty damn great. The tone was set right at the start when Zayn nailed Owens with Helluva kick to start. Cesaro promptly slugged Miz with European uppercut. Zayn and Cesaro nodded to the other with respect before locking up, chain wrestling with skill and flair. The way the Intercontinental Championship had been booked as of late and judging from how every early match this evening was being rushed through, I was expecting an 8 minute rush job. What we got was a 20 minute thriller that never let up, especially towards the final five minutes with one insane near fall after another. This was easily Miz’ best match in many years, although it certainly didn’t hurt to have five high caliber opponents. They teased a repeat of the previous PPV’s IC title finish when Cesaro made Miz tap out to the Sharpshooter, but the ref was distracted by Owens and Zayn’s brawling. However, a nice surprise came when Cesaro kicked out of Miz’ roll-up and tights-holding. Several more near falls, including a pop up powerbomb for Owens and the Skull Crushing Finale for Miz occurred. Finish finally came when it appeared that Sami Zayn was going to win the title after finishing off Cesaro with the Tornado DDT. However, after he made the cover, Kevin Owens yanked him out of the ring for a brawl. Miz opportunistically covered Cesaro for the pin. So the IC title remains on a guy that no one cares about, thanks to two years plus of being jobbed out to the point that no one buys him as a major threat. Maybe this IC title run will go a ways towards rehabbing The Miz. Then again, maybe not. Michael Cole kept mentioning that this was a Match of the Year candidate. He was actually right. I imagine Vince McMahon’s head exploded backstage since he has specifically banned the phrase Match of the Year from any commentary. Why? Because he personally hates the term and he’s an idiot. ******++++
Asylum Cage Match: Chris Jericho Vs. Dean Ambrose: After the highs of the previous match, the show proceeded to sink beneath the depths and never recover. Perhaps it was not a wise move to watch a DVD-R copy of The Best of Sabu Vol 9, as it featured a cage match strewn with weapons featuring Sabu and Cactus Jack. That match was a textbook example of how to successfully pull off a weapons cage match. Alas, Jericho/Ambrose was a textbook example of how NOT to stage such a match. This was the most boring and murderously slow steel cage match I’ve ever seen. Jericho stalled so much that Larry Zybszko could sue for gimmick infringement and win. Hell, why not? Zybszko has sued Jericho in the past for using the phrase ‘Living Legend’, even going as far as to enter Bill Apter magazines as evidence. A Weapons Cage match should be fast paced and exciting. This match was about as exciting as watching Congress “work” each day. Then there was the blood factor. Considering that this match featured an ECW Original and a veteran of the hardcore Combat Zone promotion, it was simply foolish to even consider doing this match if no blading or blood was going to be allowed. Especially when a barbed wire baseball bat was one of the weapons involved. This match dragged on to an interminable 27 minutes that felt more like 27 hours. Some of the weapons, such as a plastic kiddie beach bucket and a lightweight plastic mop were laughable, which sucked the life out of this being a grudge match. When Ambrose pulled out the black sack of thumbtacks, the announcers played dumb and wondered what they could be. As if 20+ years of this prop didn’t provide an instant clue! They took forever teasing the spot of who would become the world’s largest pincushion before Jericho landed arm first in the stuff. A mere trickle of blood from the arm was the extent of the bloodshed. Ambrose eventually scored the pin with the Dirty Deeds DDT into the thumbtacks. DUD Submission Match: Women’s Champion Charlotte Vs. Natalya: The five-month streak of the women putting on the best match of a WWE PPV came to an end last night. Oh, it wasn’t the fault of either Charlotte or Natalya, who were putting on their usual strong effort in the ring. We can thank the idiotic booking mindset of Vincent Kennedy McMahon and his minions in WWE Creative, who seem as unwilling as ever to book a heel to win cleanly these days. Until the beyond bad finish, both women were having a very solid match built around various submission holds. There was great storytelling here and each submission was sold as match-threatening, which made for a very involving match, good enough to be the second-best match of the show. Then came the lame ass finish. Just as Natalya had the match won, out came someone dressed as Charlotte’s father, the legendary Nature Boy Ric Flair. But it wasn’t Naitch, but recent NXT call-up Dana Brooke in disguise. She distracted Natalya, allowing Charlotte to clip Nattie in the knee and lock on the Figure Eight for the tap out. So Charlotte yet again wins by cheating. It’s quite a contrast from her NXT days, where HHH booked her to win clean, yet remain a heel. I understand that her father’s reputation was being the dirtiest player in the game, but why does HER legacy have to be the same? Charlotte is a great all-around talent. Let her be her own woman and establish her own legacy away from her father’s. Finishes like this do her no favors, nor do they help anyone else involved. **** Extreme Rules Match: WWE World Heavyweight Champion Roman Reigns Vs. AJ Styles: Reigns was booed out of the building yet again as the fans have actively rejected him and will cheer anyone who faces him. Rather than do the logical thing, Vince McMahon stubbornly insists upon Reigns remaining the top babyface rather than turn him heel. This match was better than the trainwreck from Payback, but it was still far below par from what these two are capable of in the ring. Reigns was still heavily favoring his leg, often limping. This gives me the impression that he’s working through injuries. It certainly would explain his lackluster title defenses since winning the WWE World title at Wrestlemania 32 last month. AJ Styles is also working through back and ankle injuries, so he wasn’t in his top form either. Both men did enough to get by and bravely took some insane bumps and spots to help make the match watchable enough, but considering what both are capable of, it was still a letdown. The usual spots were all present, including the breaking of the ringside barrier, brawling all over the place, destroying tables and interference from each side’s buddies. Oh wait- they did all this LAST TIME, too! So what’s the difference? No DQs or countouts. Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson hit the ring to interfere on behalf of their buddy AJ. Apparently, no mention was made of AJ not wanting their inference, so perhaps AJ turned heel. Or perhaps not. Who can tell with Vince McMahon’s topsy-turvy rollercoaster booking? The Usos hit the ring to even the odds and because they were associated with Reigns, their real life cousin, they were booed out of the building. Each side attempted to help the other win the battle but it didn’t work. Styles seemingly had the match won when he finished off Reigns with the Styles Clash but Reigns kicked out. Styles then nailed Reigns and the Usos with what seemed like 20+ chair shots to the back and gut each. Styles went to finish off his quarry with his specialty springboard plancha elbow, but Reigns no-sold the chair shots and Speared AJ for the pin. The live crowd in New Jersey was not happy over this. Neither was anyone watching at home. The commentary kept plugging the McMahon-mandated line of how Reigns can be loved or hated but that the fans are passionate either way. Talk about your rose colored glasses! Just as Reigns started to celebrate, along came the surprise return of Seth Rollins, who was feuding with Reigns when he suffered a major knee injury last November. Rollins promptly destroyed Reigns with the Pedigree and several shots to the body before grabbing the WWE World title and hoisting it up in the air. The cheers were deafening when this happened. If Vince thinks Reigns is going to be embraced as a babyface against the returning Rollins when they face off next month at Money in the Bank, he is truly clueless about reality. ***1/4
0 Comments
For a show hyped as the first PPV of a new era, WWE Payback 2016 was more like Back to the Future than a new era. Rather than move forward with exciting new concepts with fresh new talent, the show wound up reviving concepts from a bygone era, namely the wildly overrated Attitude Era of 1997 to 2001.
Payback wasn’t a terrible show overall, as there was enough strong wrestling on the show to make it a marginal thumbs up. Some of the matches, such as Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn, Dean Ambrose/Chris Jericho and Charlotte/Natalya were just super from start to finish. However, the booking of the main event was nothing short of a disaster, turning the company’s World champion and title into a mere afterthought. The dubious belief that rehashing the McMahon Family Soap Opera will revive weak TV ratings and viewership is laughable at best and extremely foolish at worst. Payback is certainly the weakest WWE PPV of the year to date, as is often the case when a single month offers up TWO main roster PPVs. 1. Pre-Show Match: Dolph Ziggler Vs. Baron Corbin: I was not a big fan of WWE’s decision to call up NXT talent Corbin this soon into his in-ring development. I felt he had at least another year of seasoning to go and that he would be forced to hold back from what he could do in the ring. My worst fears were justified after watching this match. Corbin wasn’t allowed to do 1/16th of what he was allowed to in NXT. What he did do was the typical boring big man crap such as tossing a guy around the ring like a rag doll and then stalling to show off. Ziggler showed nothing here either, but considering that one of his brothers is wanted for homicide in real life, perhaps he had more important things on his mind. Corbin seemingly had the match won after decimating Ziggler with a hard throw into the ring post but once he got Dolph back inside the ring, he refused to make the cover. That was all Ziggler needed to win, no-selling the beatdown and rolling up Corbin for the pin, holding his trunks for good measure. So much for the start of a new era in WWE. DUD 2. Pre-Show Match: US Champion Kalisto Vs. Ryback: This was a rematch from their Wrestlemania pre-show bout. That match wasn’t very good due to being forced to wrestle in a near-empty arena with few fans watching while rushing through a C-level match. All of that was rectified for this rematch. The Allstate Arena was packed to the gills, with a sellout 11,000 people. They were given roughly 10 minutes instead of under 5. Kalisto and Ryback meshed far better as opponents this time around. It was a bit sloppy in the beginning, especially an ugly moment when Ryback didn’t properly catch Kalisto after the latter did a corkscrew tope off the top rope to the outside. But eventually they found their groove and had a really good match. The last five minutes were simply exceptional, with one near fall after another and an impressive spot where Ryback gave Kalisto a leaping Military Press off the top turnbuckle that was an amazing feat to behold. After ten evenly matched minutes, Kalisto scored the clean pin after reversing Ryback’s Shell Shock into the Salida del Sol. This match really should have been on the main PPV card. ***3/4 3. #1 Contender’s Tag Team Tournament Finals- Enzo Amore & Big Cass Vs. The Vaudevillains: Enzo and Big Cass got a colossally huge pop from the live Chicago crowd, replete with audience members chanting along with Enzo and Big Cass during their traditional pre-match promo. The Vaudevillains received a total heel reaction instead of the more positive cheers they often received in NXT. They were just getting started on par to a strong match when tragedy struck almost four minutes into the match. After a toss from Simon Gotch, Enzo Amore was supposed to slide safely out of the ring via the bottom rope. What happened was a freak accident in which Amore’s head hit the middle rope, causing his head to snap back. When he tumbled out of the ring, the back of his head hit the ring apron with a sickening thud. Gotch has been receiving an unfair amount of blame from the Internet Wrestling Community, claiming that he botched the throw and then proceeded to callously move Amore after the latter’s fall. The throw was not a botch and it didn’t occur to any of the pinheads making nasty cracks that perhaps Gotch didn’t realize what had happened. In any case, Amore wasn’t moving. I actually feared that he had died. Referee Dan Engler went to take a look and immediately crossed his arms into the dreaded X symbol. Amore was stretchered out to the silence of the crowd and the disquieting looks of terror and concern from announcers JBL, Michael Cole and Byron Saxton, not to mention the other participants in this match. It really sucked the life out of the show and we were barely 15 minutes into the main portion of the evening. Since the match was called off, No Rating 4. Kevin Owens Vs. Sami Zayn: With the crowd utterly dead due to Enzo Amore’s serious injury and a hotly anticipated match being called off, I wonder if Zayn and Owens felt they had to take their grudge match up a few more notches than usual. This was one intense and brutal grudge match. It must have worked as the crowd slowly came to life, eating up what turned out to be a fantastic match. While it wasn’t the instant classic their two NXT World title matches were last year, this was a super match by main roster standards. Both men were allowed to shine as serious competitors beating the living tar out of each other for almost 20 minutes. The blows were so stiff that Owens busted his nose and the blood came pouring out. Luckily, they didn’t dare stop a hot match to seal up any cuts. Zayn did one nasty spot where he ran and nailed a tornado DDT onto Owens from the opposite side of the ring. Zayn kept absorbing brutal punishment and kicking out, infuriating Owens in the process. Finally, Owens finished off his rival with a stiff pop up power bomb. Owens collapsed atop of Zayn for the pin. It seems as if the Owens/Zayn feud is one and done as Owens cut a post-match promo, challenging the winner of Cesaro/Miz en route to reclaiming HIS Intercontinental title. ****1/2 Michael Cole announced to the live crowd and all of us at home that Enzo Amore had regained consciousness and could move his extremities. So it looks like he might have dodged a bullet. We’d find out more as the evening progressed. 5. Intercontinental Champion The Miz Vs. Cesaro: Owens stuck around for guest commentary and did a great job in the role. WWE might want to consider using him as a heel announcer once his in-ring career is over because he was simply fantastic in the role here. As for the match, it was a really good match. Miz has been jobbed out for so long that it’s a joke that WWE expects us to take him seriously, but the truth is that he is a really good worker in the ring. Cesaro was working with a wrapped shoulder, although I suspect that it’s a worked injury since he was coming off a long layoff due to shoulder surgery. They worked a very solid match here. Then came a strong hint that the Owens/Zayn feud isn’t one-and-done after all as Zayn dove onto Owens out of nowhere and beat the crap out of him. Both men brawled into the ring, distracting the ref just as Cesaro made Miz tap out to the Crossface. Since the ref didn’t see it, no title change would occur. Miz promptly rolled up Cesaro and held onto the trunks for the pin. Owens, now madder than Donald Trump when challenged on one of his fearmongering lies, promptly laid waste to one and all still standing in the ring while Miz slinked away like the snake in the grass he portrays on TV. Owens held up the IC belt and claimed it was “mine”, so I’m guessing a Fatal 4-Way in 3 weeks at the Extreme Rules PPV. Sounds good to me. ***3/4
6. Chris Jericho Vs. Dean Ambrose: I had apprehensions about this match, not because it was going to suck, but because I feared yet another high profile loss for Ambrose, who may be the most popular singles wrestler on the main roster right now. Of the three former Shield members (including the injured Seth Rollins and current WWE World champ Roman Reigns), I always felt Ambrose was the one with real star potential as a singles megastar. Unlike Reigns, Ambrose is an awesome talker and an expert in ring psychology. He also has this natural charisma in which you just can’t help but like the guy, even when he was a heel. He really should be the WWE World Champion, but as we know by now, owner Vince McMahon doesn’t see Ambrose as anything more than midcard. Ambrose has been on a three-PPV losing streak, losing matches he should have won. Jericho received a ton of heat for scoring a win over AJ Styles last month at Wrestlemania when he could afford the loss. So I feared that Ambrose would lose yet again to a part-timer whose current run hasn’t been as strong as other runs have been. My fears were for naught as the two not only had an awesome match, but the right guy actually won clean for a change. This was easily Jericho’s best match in his current tenure (September 2015 to present) and Ambrose was allowed to shine, something he wasn’t last month with Brock Lesnar. The Walls of Jericho was treated as a serious finisher for a change to, with Ambrose coming off as tough escaping the hold twice. Jericho attempted to finish off his rival with the Lionsault, but Ambrose stuck his knees up. After softening Jericho up with a few knees to the gut, Ambrose nailed the Dirty Deeds DDT for the pin. *****
7.Women’s Champion Charlotte Vs. Natalya: I can’t help but be impressed over the great turnaround of women’s wrestling on main roster WWE. In-ring wrestling has finally taken precedence over giggling body parts and the result has been a string of great matches that have been the standout matches on the last four PPVs. Tonight was no exception. Although this was their third go-around on a major show, it was not a rehash of those earlier bouts, but a new and different match. This time around, both women worked a great match around the concept that Natalya refused to tap out to the Figure Eight, no matter how much Charlotte worked over the knee and leg. The wrestling was spectacular, amongst the best in-ring performances of the year so far. Then came the finish, which was divided people. As Charlotte locked on the Sharpshooter, ref Charles Robinson rang for the bell and hightailed it out of the ring. Natalya didn’t tap out, so this was a variation of the infamous Montreal Screwjob, when Nattie’s uncle Bret Hart was screwed out of his title in a Sharpshooter spot that was called early despite no submission. I found it to be a clever variation, giving us something different in a finish to women’s wrestling matches than usual. Many didn’t like the exploitation of Montreal. They have a fair point, to be honest. The post-match saw Bret Hart, who accompanied his niece to ringside, clock Charlotte’s father Ric Flair and lock on the Sharpshooter while Natalya did the same to Charlotte. Both Flairs tapped out. This was likely to set up a Submission match for the next PPV in 3 weeks. ****** 8. The McMahon Family Therapy Ego Trip: Now it was time for several egos to be stroked during one long in-ring vignette. Remember that old ‘Simpsons’ episode where Bart and Lisa found themselves on rival hockey teams, with Homer insisting that they don’t take it easy on each other since they would be fighting for their parents’ love? Well, just scratch out Bart, Lisa and Homer and replace with Shane, Stephanie and Vince McMahon. Vince was to decide whether Shane or Stephanie would run Monday Night Raw. He decided that they would have to share Raw. What is this- ‘Full House’? Never mind: that show was only a half-hour instead of Raw’s butt and mind numbing three, plus if John Stamos, Bob Saget and Dave Coulier were to show up, at least fans would cheer instead of the groaning that accompanies any McMahon. Enzo Amore Update: testing revealed that Amore just suffered a severe concussion but is otherwise okay. He got off VERY easily all things considered. 9. WWE World Champion Roman Reigns Vs. AJ Styles: I had high hopes for this main event. On paper, it looked like it couldn’t miss. Despite being booed out of every arena he steps into these days, Reigns has proven himself to be a very solid in-ring performer. Styles is one of the greatest workers of his generation. With enough time, these two could have put on a real classic here. Unfortunately for them, several things happened that sent this match straight to the toilet. First, Reigns tweaked his leg early on in the match and as a result, his in-ring performance wasn’t up to his usual high standard of the past year. Even worse, the dumb decision was made to severely overbook this match to the point that it became a colossal clusterf*** of the highest order. The match was coming along fine for the first 10 minutes or so, a solid if unspectacular match in the *** to ***1/2 range when Reigns was counted out, handing AJ a victory but not the World title. Then along came Shane McMahon to restart the match as a No Countout match. Another two or so minutes passed by before Reigns gave AJ the Superman bunch to the testicles for the DQ. Then along came Stephanie McMahon to restart the match as a No DQ match. At this point, I received a message from my fellow Phoenix author Koriander Bullard, predicting “Now Gallows, Anderson and the Usos will interfere”. Sure enough, they did. It was simply THAT predictable by this point. Since it was no DQ, of course it was all legal. It devolved into a trainwreck that was an indistinguishable mess for the fan to try and figure out at home. It finally came to an end when Reigns nailed Styles with the Spear for the 1-2-3, retaining the WWE World title. Not one minute into Reigns’ in-ring celebration, the camera cut away to backstage where all three McMahons were arguing about a rematch for the Extreme Rules PPV in three weeks. So it all wound up being about the McMahon family instead of where the focus should be: Roman Reigns, the WWE World title and top challenger AJ Styles. What a disgusting and total disgrace! Sheer arrogance and egotism is behind this dumb decision to rehash a never ending family feud that fans were tired of 15 years ago. If this PPV was supposed to be the start of a new era, making the McMahons the primary stars of the show was not the way to do so. Your World champion, his top challenger and the coveted prize of the WWE World Championship were left looking like an afterthought so three people who shouldn’t be anywhere near the vicinity of a camera could be the last thing fans think about when this show was over. They ought to be ashamed of themselves, but I think they have no shame any longer. Ugh. *1/4
Last December, GLCW, probably the largest wrestling promotion in Wisconsin, ran their annual Blizzard Brawl show. Every year, promoter Dave Herro spares no expense in making the event the most memorable of the year. From outstanding wrestling featuring the best of the Milwaukee scene, to beloved WWE Superstars, Blizzard Brawl is always the highlight of the Christmas Holiday Season.
And December, 2015 would be no exception to the rule. A surprise announcement was made that former D-Generation X member Chyna was joining the line-up. True to Dave's word, Chyna appeared to the delight of wrestling fans young and old, and from all accounts, was a class act. She made a few more, occasional appearances at wrestling shows and the usual entertainment related shows. Not so much as a tour but in a series of surprise appearances. Not long ago, she made an appearance in Kentucky, which prompted the following dialogue. At the time, my work schedule did not allow me the chance to make the trek north for the show. But I know a few wrestling fans around here, so I asked them if they were interested in going to the appearance. The response I got back was cold at best, and down right bitter and mean at worst. One fan prattled on and on about Chyna's ill-fated reality show career, pointing out every alcohol soaked segment of VH1's The Surreal Life. Another threw slut-shaming slurs into the air and pointed out every botch and miscue from dozens of episodes of Monday Night Raw. Yet another pointed out her “Dominatrix-Xena” wardrobe, making fun of how out of place the garb looked with the more casual wear of D-X. And then a Holy Roller used this as a platform to beat his chest, misquote the Bible and prattle off a long list of lies and untruths about the porn industry, in relation to Chyna's movie career, which prompted another to give away details about the adult films I never asked for. I sighed, and simply changed the subject. The angst-ridden comments led me to believe that even for Kentucky, this topic was too far gone to be salvaged by even the loudest “Bless your Heart”. Well April 20th arrived, and I braced myself for a flood of marijuana talks, both pro and anti. And you know, between the sudden announcement of Chyna's passing and the news of Harriet Tubman sharing the $20 bill with pro-slavery President Andrew Jackson, I don't think I even heard anything about the medicinal weed that entire day. Instead, I saw those very same anti-Chyna naysayers, plastering Facebook with long-winded tributes and YouTube videos of her time in the ring. Only three guys mentioned her pornography career in still mean-spirited jest. As for the rest? I bet you've memorized the comments by now. Oh Chyna was my childhood hero! #RIPChyna Chyna was an inspiration to women everywhere. #BestInTheWorld Chyna was my first crush growing up. #Heartbroken Chyna was a brave soul and a pioneer to women. #ThankYouChyna Chyna paved the way for women so they wouldn't be ashamed of sex or their bodies. #Empowering Chyna was the best Women's champ ever!! #Chyna Hey @WWE!! Induct Chyna already! #ChynaHOF The very same people who a week earlier had been chiding Chyna on Twitter and making fun of her, were now praying for her soul to return, mourning her loss and sharing fond memories. What happened? Have we become so spineless as a country that we think this is normal? So-called “fans” of Chyna spent year after year, harassing this woman, wishing death upon her, slut-shaming her and even going so far as to heckle her at appearances and on social media. The non-stop harassment was considered “normal” because she was a woman and based on her gender, “deserved” it. The death threats? Also normal. You enjoy sex? You can wrestle? How dare you! Only MEN can enjoy those things. Now accept our unwarranted dick pics and like this abuse, like it right now, whore! Be grateful to me for gracing you with my un-asked-for harassment. I bootlegged your matches via Justin.tv, that means I know more about wrestling than you ever did in your five plus years as an active competitor. I will armchair book and you will worship me for it! Oh, you're dead now? You were my idol, my crush and my muse. I shall now flood the internet with my hatred of death for taking you so young. RIP in hashtags, Chyna-chan. I must now curse the WWE for not granting you co-ownership of the company, the heavyweight title and the main event spot at WrestleMania. Truthfully it was you who should have ended the Undertaker's streak, for now you are dead, which is erasing all of the harassment I bombarded your page with in life. Now people will know I was your number one fan, for I have hashtagged that match I said you botched with adornments of praise. Rest in power, my angel. Unless I'm a jerk, trapped in 2010, who still thinks suicide-bating is funny, peaked in middle school and still live in my parents' basement. In which case I will now paste poorly photo-shopped pictures and dick pics all over the Facebook walls of your loved ones while I update your hate page. Your loved ones had better worship me and then kill themselves, or I will lie and tell people I exist on the Autism spectrum, so you can't sue me for harassing you into the ground. Worship my hashtag, my fake pictures are the “REAL truth” about you. And don't you dare tell me to stop! Your job is to like my harassment as me “expressing myself”. Your insistence that I stop is the REAL harassment, now I must report your Facebook! You are the one who needs to suck it up, while I post naked photos pf Chyna in an effort to demean her because she was a porn star. Don't be weak. This is the psychotic, nonsensical treatment of celebrities male and female, is only highlighted in ignorance once death has reared it's unwelcome head. The insensitive monsters we are when a celebrity is alive, become simpering, crocodile criers when that same celebrity we tortured dies. So I say we stop being fake. If you don't like a celebrity, fine. But don't act like you were their biggest fan when they die. If you were too cheap to pony up the $10 general admission ticket to see them when they were alive, don't act like your house is plastered in their posters when they die. It's as sad and pathetic to watch as the dithered, misspelled, poorly photo-shopped “joke” you spammed on her Facebook memorial. Koriander Bullard is an author, cartoonist and human rights advocate. Keep up with her on Facebook!
Joanie Laurer, known to wrestling fans worldwide as the ninth wonder of the world Chyna, passed away this week at the age of 45. Details are still sketchy about a cause of death, although police have officially ruled out suicide and are working on the theory that she either accidentally overdosed on or had a bad reaction to new anxiety medication she had recently started taking.
Laurer began her wrestling career as a trainee of the legendary Killer Kowalski, with The Fabulous Moolah lending input. She had already had legitimate training as a bodybuilder. In 1996, Kowalski introduced Laurer to Shawn Michaels and Paul Levesque, who had caught on in WWE under the ring name HHH. HHH had been in the market for a valet or manager and he felt Laurer could fit the bill as something unique and different. WWE owner Vince McMahon didn’t agree, but after several attempts at finding HHH a manager backfired, he finally agreed to give Laurer a shot. Rechristened Chyna, Laurer was certainly a revolutionary figure in the world of wrestling. She was the first female valet who not only looked legitimately tough, but could dish it out as well as she could take it. Some men flatly refused to take bumps for Chyna, most notably Ahmed Johnson. But stars like Mick Foley, Goldust, The Rock and Kane willingly bumped for Chyna, helping get her over as an extremely tough threat outside the ring. At the 1999 Royal Rumble, Chyna made history as the first woman to enter the Royal Rumble match as an active participant. In June 1999, Chyna once again made history as the first woman to participate in the then-annual King of the Ring tournament, losing in the first round to Road Dogg. She also briefly became the first woman to ever become the #1 Contender for the WWE World Championship, although the following week she lost her #1 contender ranking to Mankind in a match on Monday Night Raw that was better than expected. On October 17, 1999, Chyna made history by becoming the first- and so far only- woman to win the WWE Intercontinental Championship, defeating future Ponzi Scheme enthusiast Jeff Jarrett in a “Good Housekeeping” match. Unfortunately, her first title reign was not the success WWE had been hoping for. Her first title defense against Chris Jericho at Survivor Series 1999 saw the heel Jericho get heavily cheered. The quality of her title defenses wasn’t great either, especially since in those days, the Intercontinental title was known as the workhorse title whose matches often stole the show. However, WWE wasn’t ready to give up on Chyna as a singles star within the male wrestling division. Despite losing the IC title to Jericho at Armageddon 1999, a double pin finish on the final Smackdown show of 1999 saw Chyna sort of regain the championship, albeit with a gimmick that she and Jericho would co-exist as IC co-champs. For obvious reasons, that dynamic didn’t work either, so at the 2000 Royal Rumble at Madison Square Garden, the IC title was put up for grabs in a Triple Threat also featuring Hardcore Holly. Jericho emerged as the sole IC Champion in a good match. Yet this wouldn’t be the end for Chyna as IC Champion. Fast forward eight months to SummerSlam 2000. In a mixed tag team match in which the winner of the fall would become the Intercontinental Champion, Chyna pinned Trish Stratus to win the title for a third time. Her third reign would come to an end in yet another triple threat match eight days later. The following year, Chyna found herself moved over to the floundering Women’s division. She was said to be very reluctant about the move, preferring to work with men. At Wrestlemania X-7 on April Fools Day 2001, Chyna won the Women’s Championship, defeating Ivory in a match a lot better than expected going in. She would be the dominant Women’s champion of 2001, only losing the title when she left the company in November 2001. Some say it was amicable, others say it was a contract dispute. Many believe her exit was the delayed fallout from a year earlier, when her then-boyfriend HHH left her for now-wife Stephanie McMahon. Whatever the case, it was the last we’d see of Chyna in the WWE forever more. In 2002, Laurer signed with New Japan Pro Wrestling, wrestling under her given name. She was featured in key matches against such distinguished male talent as Masahiro Chono, Gedo, Jedo and Jushin Liger. She even scored a win over a rookie Hiroshi Tanahashi, who would go on to superstardom in the 2010s. Despite the megapush designed by then-owner Antonio Inoki to get Laurer over as a top attraction, she never was accepted by the Japanese wrestling fans. She would part ways with New Japan by the end of the year. After a failed attempt with Total Nonstop Action in 2004 that ended when she balked over putting woman wrestler Trinity over clean, life took a dark turn for Laurer. Drug addiction had a firm grip of Laurer’s life at the time. The horror stories quickly spread, including a disastrous appearance on the Howard Stern Show. Interviews were rife with off-the-wall statements and outright lies with little bearing on reality. Her on-and-off relationship with Sean “X-Pac” Waltman often resulted in public outbursts, including one infamous incident in which she stripped naked and dove into a tank full of fish at a restaurant in New York. They sold a sex tape for the money, which gained the couple further infamy with the general public. Yet in recent years, it appeared as if she was finally conquering her demons. In 2011, Laurer brought Chyna back to pro wrestling, making a one-off appearance at TNA’s Sacrifice PPV. She teamed with Kurt Angle against Jarrett and his wife Karen (who used to be Angle’s wife- LONG story there we won’t go into there). Chyna looked to be in good shape, but the match wasn’t very good primarily because Karen Jarrett was not a trained wrestler and every time she tagged in, the match went to the toilet. She made a few professional porn films, most notably portraying She-Hulk in a XXX Avengers parody that led to a solo spinoff feature. Some have criticized Laurer for “resorting” to making porn films, but none of those critics ever bothered to think that perhaps this was the only paying work Laurer could get that paid well enough for sheer survival at the time. She did make a return to Japan not as a wrestler, but as an English teacher in recent years. Last year, Laurer had made overtures about making amends with WWE, with a possible Hall of Fame induction. Sadly, WWE chose to look the other way and ignore her. Now the public reconciliation is too late. No doubt WWE will induct Chyna posthumously. I admit that I was never a big fan of Chyna. However, there is no denying that she was an important figure and top star of the much-lauded WWE Attitude Era. Laurer had effected positive change at a time when women were little more than eye candy outside the ring. Her achievements paved the way for the current wave of intergender matches that has taken wrestling by storm today, specifically in the Chikara and Lucha Underground promotions. So she was a flawed human being. Who isn’t, these days? Laurer deserves our respect for the positive contributions she gave pro wrestling. At least I wish to remember the good, at least on this cold, gloomy day.
10. The Third Annual Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal: The first two Andre battle royals were really good matches that showcased a mix of underused talent and reliable veterans. Unfortunately, thanks to a string of serious injuries, idiotic suspensions and just plain stubborness on the part of Vince McMahon, the third time was not a charm. The talent pool was especially thin this year, as only 20 participants were featured instead of the usual 30. The Wyatt Family, consisting of Bray Wyatt, Erick Rowan and Braun Stroman, were oddly not in the battle royal, despite being advertised as participants. Stroman was even pegged to win the battle royal. Unfortunately, WWE had other plans for the Wyatts- none of them good. As for who was in the battle royal, it wasn’t an impressive lot overall. Konnor, Viktor, Damien Sandow (who reportedly plans to give his notice- can’t say I blame him considering how WWE Creative refuses to push him despite being incredibly over with fans), Jack Swagger, Tyler Breeze, Goldust, R-Truth, Darren Young, Heath Slater, Curtis Axel, Adam Rose, Bo Dallas, Kane, The Big Show, Fandango and Mark Henry. Not an especially thrilling bunch who are taken seriously by fans these days. Oh wait, that’s only 16. So who were the surprises, then? NXT talent Baron Corbin was one. So were legends Diamond Dallas Page and Tatanka. Basketball legend Shaquille O’Neal was the final entrant, primarily to set up a singles match with Show for Wrestlemania 33 next year. Other than a so-so double chokeslam with Show on Kane, Shaq didn’t do much more than grab Show by the throat and slowly inch towards the ropes for the expected spot when the other 18 gang up on the two behemoths. The timing was off as Shaq fell to Earth too quickly while Show took a lifetime reaching the floor. I imagine both were supposed to hit the floor at the same time. It was your typical low-grade battle royal, tedious and unexciting especially since there was no one the fans truly wanted to get behind. You need to have someone you can root for or believe can plausibly win to maintain interest. At least they did the right thing by having promising young NXT talent Corbin win the match instead of giving the aging Kane a win he didn’t need. DUD
The Rock Meets The Wyatt Family: The Rock hit the ring to a deafening pop, which served as a tribute to his lasting star power and an indictment of how WWE Creative has prevented younger, fresher talent from achieving the same. He announced that Wrestlemania 32 set a new indoor attendance record for a Wrestlemania show. The number announced was 101,763, but it was slightly exaggerated from the actual number of 98,763. McMahon is notorious for exaggerating Wrestlemania attendance records, even though the real numbers are often STILL very impressive and record breaking. The lights suddenly went out and the Wyatt Family theme music played, leading to the sight of 98,000+ cell phone lights swaying in the background. The fans just love the Wyatt Family, despite the best efforts of WWE Creative to marginalize them at every turn. Wyatt and Rock traded quips, which were as good as one would expect considering these guys are great talkers. Then something happened that made my stomach churn. Rock said that he was ready for a match and challenged any Wyatt family member to an impromptu match. He tore off his clothes to reveal that his wrestling trunks. The live crowd went wild, which lead to… 11. The Rock Vs. Erick Rowan: Rock immediately leveled Rowan with the Rock Bottom and covered for the pin in a mere six seconds. So a legend now considered an actor scores a quickie squash win over a full-time wrestler who is loaded with talent and should be better protected. Way to go, Vince. As if that wasn’t bad enough, John Cena made a surprise appearance and helped his frenemy destroy the other Wyatt Family members. Is this any way to treat one of the best factions WWE has had in years? No! Reportedly Rock had wanted to work with the Wyatts, but McMahon felt that having them decimated in this fashion by Rock and Cena would give them a meaningful rub. All I saw was the destruction of a super over act who should be in the top main event level mix, not being tossed around like soiled rag dolls by a retired wrestler. Ugh! DUD 12. WWE World Champion HHH Vs. Roman Reigns: This was an excellent match, slightly tempered by the fact that fans both attending live and watching at home were just plain exhausted by the time it finally began. HHH’s ring entrance was cool, as Stephanie McMahon appeared like a refugee from the Mad Max movie series, clad in a leather outfit that was surprisingly hot. It didn’t hurt that she cut a killer promo that really helped set the tone for the match itself. I think fans are so tired of the evil McMahon family antics that they repeatedly overlook just how good and effective Stephanie is on the mic. Reigns was booed, but not nearly as intensely as I expected, which I attribute to exhaustion from an overlong PPV. The match started very slowly, almost as if they were stymied by the subdued crowd reaction. Eventually things picked up to the point where the live crowd finally got into it. The psychology was off the charts, as most HHH matches tend to be. The guy is just a master of how to tap into heel psychology. Despite the periodic chants of “Reigns Can’t Wrestle”, Reigns showed once again that he definitely CAN wrestle and at a high level of quality. The finishing sequence was actually pretty clever. Reigns seemingly finished off HHH with the Spear but Stephanie yanked the ref out of the ring before the three count could be made. Since the match was no DQ, it was perfectly legal. Stephanie stepped into the ring and taunted Reigns while her husband got to his feet with the ref’s help. Reigns went for another Spear but HHH ducked out of the way and Stephanie was squashed instead. Fans finally cheered for something Reigns did at long last. HHH was fuming and hit the Pedigree but Reigns kept kicking out. After the two traded blows evenly, Stephanie recovered enough to retrieve the sledgehammer from underneath the ring. Reigns ducked the sledgehammer and nailed a Superman punch and Spear for the pin and the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. The crowd reaction was mixed with some cheers and some boos. I imagine the cheers were largely because the show was finally over after 6 hours and 48 minutes, including the pre-show. ****3/4
After the disappointment of Brock Lesnar Vs. Dean Ambrose, a cute and funny Snickers commercial made its’ worldwide television premiere. Ric Flair is getting visibly frustrated trying to teach someone how to say his trademark “WOOOOOOOOOOOO!” call. Zack Ryder keeps saying his catchphrase “Woo woo woo!” instead. Finally, Flair urges Ryder to eat a Snickers. It’s then revealed that it was Flair’s daughter Charlotte whom he was trying to teach all along.
Next up was the WWE Hall of Fame Class of 2016. Not a bad selection of nominees, although I still believe that journalist Joan Lunden’s induction was solely a political favor to the Susan G. Komen Foundation, especially since she never contributed anything of note to WWE programming other than an appearance during WWE’s breast cancer fundraising awareness drive last October. 8. Triple Threat To Crown The Inaugural WWE Women's Champion: Charlotte Vs. Sasha Banks Vs. Becky Lynch: The most pleasant surprise of the year when it comes to pro wrestling is the marked improvement of women’s wrestling in main roster WWE. Once infamous for matches so bad that the fans attending live would treat it as a bathroom break or with total indifference, Divas title matches have been stealing the show as of late. I personally felt that Charlotte’s last three Divas title defenses were the standout matches of the last three PPVs. I felt going into Wrestlemania that this Divas triple threat title match would be the best match of the night. Sure enough, I wasn’t disappointed. Charlotte sported a ring robe made from the robe her father Ric Flair wore for his final WWE match. Sasha Banks paid tribute to her favorite wrestler Eddie Guerrero with her ring outfit as her cousin Snoop Dogg accompanied her to the ring. Lita stood in the ring holding the snazzy new WWE Women’s Championship belt, which was a nice touch that made this match feel like a major event. Everything about this match was just phenomenal. Three of the best women wrestlers in North America and perhaps the world doing what they do best for almost 20 minutes. What more can a wrestling fan ask for? The action was nonstop and exciting as hell. The announcers were still confused as to whether Charlotte was automatically the Women’s Champion or if the winner of the match would be crowned the first such champion. Even worse, no one bothered to clarify the issue, leaving the trio of Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and JBL sounding foolish and confused at times. Luckily, it didn’t detract from the match. One thrilling moment after another and for once, a frenzy of near falls added to the match rather than detract from it. Sasha continued her tribute to Eddie by co-opting his Frog Splash as Charlotte had Becky in the Figure Eight. It was such a sight that even the live crowd in Dallas went nuts. Sasha had the match won after finishing off Lynch with the Banks Statement, but in a swerve, Charlotte tossed Sasha out of the way and took over, locking on the Figure Eight submission. Ric prevented Sasha from breaking the submission attempt and Becky tapped out. Charlotte is the final Divas Champion and the first Women’s Champion of the modern women’s wrestling era in main roster WWE. Many complained that Charlotte won, as they had expected Sasha to win the match. But it made sense for Charlotte to go over here, especially since Charlotte/Sasha could benefit from a slow build to SummerSlam. Hell, it should even co-main event the show. I felt this match should have main evented Wrestlemania 32. ******+++ 9. Hell In A Cell: The Undertaker Vs. Shane McMahon: There may have been no match I was looking forward the least to than this Hell in a Cell match. If Undertaker lost, he would have to retire while Shane would gain control of Monday Night Raw. The thought of one of pro wrestling’s all time greatest icons ending his career with a loss to a non-wrestler that would rehash the McMahon family drama that helped cool off the hot streak of the Attitude Era made me want to barf. Speaking of said non-wrestler, while Shane was actually quite a good performer during the Attitude Era, it has been seven years since he last appeared in a wrestling match and he stank out the joint against Randy Orton. Add in the fact that both men are aging and not in the best of physical shape plus having to work what is historically one of the most violent matches in wrestling today all seemed to spell disaster. And for the first few minutes, it seemed like it was going to indeed be a disaster. Shane’s offense didn’t look good early on, with weak punches and sloppy work. However, something miraculous happened: both men found their groove and turned things around to the point that they had a hell of a match. At least one way better than I expected going in. The key apparently was to beat the crap out of each other for over 30 minutes and add in enough wild stunts to help overcome the legitimate shortcomings. It worked so well that even the skeptical live crowd in Dallas finally got into it, chanting “This is awesome”. One neat spot was Shane reversing the Hellsgate submission into the Sharpshooter, which looked fairly good. Eventually Shane retrieved bolt cutters from under the ring and started snipping away at one of the Cell panels. Taker promptly speared Shane through the weakened panel and right into one of the announce tables which got a hell of a pop. Taker proceeded to use several monitors to smack Shane upside the head with, but Shane fought back with a toolbox. Shane locked on a sleeper and both men went through another announcers table. Then came a stunt both so brave and so stupid that it has to be seen to be believed: with Taker unconscious atop a third table, Shane climbed the Cell walls and prepared for a flying elbow drop from a 20 foot cage. Taker rolled out of the way, causing Shane to damn near kill himself (although an airbag was clearly visible underneath the table on the live broadcast- you can be certain this will be edited out for the home video release) by crashing through the table from up on high. Taker looked legitimately concerned for Shane, but Shane still played the cocky guy who kept daring Taker to bring the fight on. Taker calmly lifted Shane onto his shoulders and carried him back into the ring. After another dare from Shane, Taker calmly nailed the Tombstone piledriver for the pin. Judging from the fact that the stipulations were ignored on the post-Mania Raw episode the following evening, I have the feeling Shane was originally supposed to win but that they got cold feet dreading a negative reaction to Taker losing to the boss’ son, so it was changed the day of the show. Too bad they forgot to make the necessary changes to their booking plans AFTER Mania. Shane did a stretcher job, but gave the live crowd a thumbs up to show that he was okay despite the carnage. ****3/4
Less than 48 hours after the wrestling world was stunned by the sudden passing of ECW alumni Balls Mahoney came a second blow. Former Ring of Honor and AAW wrestler Christian Able passed away at the young age of 32. Able had started his career in 2006, and was a student of Dan Severn, and real-life friend and current WWE writer Jimmy Jacobs. Able is best known for his time as a member of the House of Truth stable with his best friend and tag team partner Josh "Jug" Raymond. Able had made appearances with CHIKARA and a dozen or so other companies during his ten short years on the circuit. Able was a charismatic heel in the ring, but a very humble and thoughtful man outside the squared circle. I may have only met Able a handful of times, but one of the last times I saw him perform was one of the most energetic and amazing tag team matches I had seen in a long time, and deserves to be recounted here. The night was September 24, 2010 in Berwyn, Illinois at AAW's Defining Moment: Fade to Black. The show was named in honor of longtime AAW standout Tyler Black, who gave his final "Indy" wrestling match to his home promotion, before heading to Florida to become future WWE Champion Seth Rollins. Rollins had just recently become tag team champions with Jimmy Jacobs at AAW, and in his last contracted performance was set to face off against the just budding House of Truth stable of Josh Raymond and Christian Able. It was main event time. Able and Raymond followed the lead of manager Truth Martini, who was wearing a pristine, vanilla ice cream white suit and matching bandana, with his blonde hair spilling out from it. The bell rings, Able goes after Jacobs to start things off. The two trade jabs and locks, before Able tags in Raymond. But after a few strikes, it's time for a breather. Able and Raymond have a huddle with Truth, but Raymond gets back into it. Tyler tags. There's a good bit of back and forth and a few armbars before Jacobs and Able tag back in. Jacobs has the upper hand until Able surprises with a vertical suplex. Before long, snapmares have been traded, and the two teams are neck and neck against each other. Raymond and Able temporarily take the lead, double-teaming Jacobs, but soon, Tyler steps in to even the score. The House of Truth head for the outside, only to have Jacobs and Tyler launch themselves at them! But once back in the ring, it's all business. After several strikes, the two teams go into trading chops, each one a luder *SMACK* than the last. Tyler, mocking future rival John Cena, does a "You can't See Meeeee" followed by an attempt of an STF onto Able, but Raymond makes a save. Able goes to the outside as Tyler tries to attack from the rope, but Able catches him, and rewards Tyler's efforts with a Lawn Dart, before returning him to Raymond. Raymond hits Tyler with a back cracker, but a pin attempt is foiled by Jacobs. Jacobs tries to hit the contra Code, but Able drops him with a powerbomb, then holds him down as Raymond hits a Lionsault for a two count. Gaining a second wind, Jacobs and Tyler try to superplex Raymond, but Able thwarts them quick with a push. Jacobs returns with a shooting star, but Able can't be taken down. Still, Jacobs goes for a flurry of strikes before Able catches him with a clothesline, then he kicks Tyler off the apron. He goes to powerbomb Jacobs again, but Tyler delivers a superkick before making a leap from the rope. But just as the former Age of The Fall members are about to retain the tag belts, Silas Young appears and beats Jacobs all the way to the back, leaving Tyler out all alone. Tyler holds his own, holding back Able with a Pele, but Able fights back. Able and Raymond go for the Tower of Truth for a two count, lighting up the crowd. A second attempt only angers Tyler, as he drives the two into a corner. Truth Martini hits the ropes to distract Tyler and almost whacks him with the book, but Tyler delivers a superkick to Truth. He then hits Able with a bucklebomb, but Raymond slides in from nowhere, pinning Tyler for a three count with a schoolboy roll-up, thus earning the AAW tag team titles for himself and Able. As I snapped my disposable Kodak camera to capture the victory, Able ran past me, hogging the picture while holding his half of the belt up, screaming "WOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!" with the elation of a child on Christmas morning. He ran around the ring at top speed, making faces at the crowd and laughing at Tyler, who stood in the ring looking as angry and confused as you would imagine. Christian Able was old school. A devious heel with the body of a brawler, but he was never afraid to drop enough high-flying moves to make a gymnast jealous. But outside the ring, he was a polite charmer. Humble to a fault who never wanted to hog the spotlight nearly half as much as his on-screen persona would have you believe. It's hard to believe that match was almost six years ago, and harder more to imagine that this bright, young talent has left us this soon. In his memory, I implore you to check out the match I speak so well of: http://smartmarkvideo.com/aaw-dvd-september-24-2010-defining-moment-fade-black-berwyn-il It's too early to say why we lost this incredible wrestler so young, but it is my hope he will not be forgotten. Koriander Bullard is an author, cartoonist and human rights advocate. Keep up with her on Facebook!
When all was said and done, WWE Wrestlemania 32 likely left wrestling fans feeling exhausted. Although the main PPV broadcast was scheduled for four hours, the usual time mismanagement at a Wrestlemania reached chronic proportions, causing the show to go 48 minutes over the scheduled 11 PM Eastern conclusion. So add in a two-hour pre-show, this Wrestlemania was almost 7 hours long. As much as I love wrestling, I was completely drained and exhausted by this brutally overlong show when it finally came to a close twelve minutes before midnight Eastern time.
Some wrestling fans proclaimed this the worst Wrestlemania show of all time. Although it certainly had some serious faults, Wrestlemania 32 was hardly the worst Mania ever. I guess people have forgotten all about such less-than-stellar Manias as 9, 11, 16, 25 and 27. The match quality was fairly solid overall. Some of the matches were way better than one expected them to be going in while some disappointed. Nothing really stank out the joint compared to previous Manias. The announcing was actually really good also. The end of the pitiful Divas division was a major plus as well. That said, some of the booking decisions were strange to say the least. Most noticeably, way too many veterans, both retired and active, won over younger, fresher talent. It is not a great way to build to the future by having your newer talent lose, especially to those considered non-wrestlers or part-timers. The plethora of injuries that have seriously weakened the talent pool was very apparent in the Andre the Giant Battle Royal. You know things are bad when they call up veterans and a retired basketball star to participate. Despite the issues, Wrestlemania 32 was an easy thumbs up. I imagine that the home video version, where the three pre-show matches will be presented without the endless talking that made the pre-show tedious, will be a better experience. Matches 1, 2 and 3 are recapped in the article 'Wrestlemania Pre-show Blues'. 4. Ladder Match: Intercontinental Champion Kevin Owens Vs. Sami Zayn Vs. Stardust Vs. Zack Ryder Vs. The Miz Vs. Dolph Ziggler Vs. Sin Cara: For the past few years, the ladder match had become my least favorite match out of all the various gimmick matches pro wrestling has to offer. They had devolved into shameless daredevil stunt shows and demolition derbies with little regard towards psychology and storytelling. However, last year, psychology and storytelling started making a comeback in WWE ladder matches. Talent also started innovating clever new spots instead of merely rehashing what Edge, Christian, the Dudleys and the Hardy Boyz perfected 15 years ago. This was one hell of a ladder match. All sorts of crazy spots here, but they all had a purpose that helped tell the story that the IC Championship was a desired goal and that these men will do anything to get it. Among the highlights were Sami Zayn’s Blue Thunderbomb off the ladder onto Ziggler; Zayn doing a suicide dive through the ladder rungs and onto a mass of bodies outside the ring; Sin Cara doing all sorts of crazy dives off and through ladders; Zayn taking Owens out with a running exploder suplex onto a ladder..I could go on. It appeared that Miz was going to win the match and grab the IC belt but in a major upset, Ryder shoved Miz off and grabbed the title. The wrestler the least likeliest to win just won. Fans were ecstatic while Ryder celebrated in the ring with his father. Of course, leave it to Vince McMahon to ruin the positive buzz generated by Ryder’s win by having him lose the IC title the following night on Raw to a guy who spent the last two years jobbing left and right. Way to go, Vince. A hot start to what would be one long night. ******+++ 5. Chris Jericho Vs. AJ Styles: This show marked Jericho’s thirteenth Wrestlemania appearance and the very first one for Styles, the man who many felt was the heart and soul of the TNA promotion. If anyone needed a meaningful Wrestlemania win, it was Styles. Unfortunately, a pair of egos got in the way of such a needed win. The match itself was fantastic, with Jericho looking sharper in the ring than he has in the past year. Styles was just incredible in this match, clearly relishing the chance to wrestle on the biggest possible WWE stage for the first time. Some stalling at the start became tedious, but once they got going, the match delivered for the most part. Then it all came crashing with the finish. AJ was set to finish off Jericho with the flying springboard forearm, but Jericho nailed the Codebreaker for the pin. Jericho didn’t need the win here, especially since AJ Styles was planned to headline the next PPV challenging for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. My guess is that Jericho didn’t want to do the job and Vince McMahon’s ego didn’t want a ex-TNA talent prevailing in his Wrestlemania debut. Judging from the fact that Jericho has won several matches against younger talent who could use the rub of beating him, it’s sad that he’s apparently become just like the very veterans he once railed against in his memoirs. What a shame. ****1/2 6. The New Day (Big E & Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods) Vs. The League of Nations (Sheamus & King Barrett & Alberto Del Rio & Rusev): Although it was advertised as a handicap match, Barrett didn’t tag in once. Either he’s nursing an injury or doing the least amount possible during his final months in WWE. Considering the litany of broken promises made to Barrett throughout his WWE career, I can’t say I blame him. He was promptly written off TV the following night on Raw, so I guess he decided to leave early. I don’t blame him. The tag team titles were not at stake, which took away what would have been some much needed juice and heat. Match was good, but considering the participants, it should have been a lot better. The finish came when the ref was distracted by a brawl between Big E and Kofi against Rusev and Del Rio, allowing Barrett to illegally clock Woods with the Bullhammer. Sheamus covered Woods’ remains for the pin. The indignities didn’t stop there as Barrett grabbed the mic and stated that no three men could destroy the League. That brought out a trio of legends: Shawn Michaels, Mick Foley and Stone Cold Steve Austin. The three retired legends destroyed the League, making them all look like major league chumps in the process. Woods was given the stunner by Austin during the celebratory beer bash afterwoods while Big E and Kofi cowered away. You don’t know how tired I am of older wrestlers and retirees showing up the younger talent. That would be a recurring theme as this show progressed. ***1/2 7. No Holds Barred Street Fight- Brock Lesnar Vs. Dean Ambrose: On paper, this match should have been nothing short of terrific. Lesnar is a legitimate badass athlete; Ambrose can switch effortlessly between wrestling and brawling with equal aplomb. Alas, the match wound up being a big disappointment. For starters, whoever heard of a street fight in which the action is largely confined to fighting inside the ring? The classic street fight match features tons of out of the ring brawling. Even Renee Young made mention during the pre-show that there were plenty of places where Ambrose and Lesnar could wind up during their street fight, so even she was anticipating a traditional, anything goes street fight like the rest of us. Too bad no one in Creative or production clued her in that there were no plans for this street fight to resemble the traditional mold. The match wasn’t terrible, but I expect greatness from Lesnar and Ambrose PPV matches and this wasn’t anything close to great. Ambrose kept taking one German suplex after another from Lesnar, with the announcers keeping score for those viewing at home. Ambrose left to retrieve weapons, which consisted mostly of chairs and Kendo sticks. He did haul out the chainsaw that Terry Funk gifted him and the barbed wire baseball bat Mick Foley gifted him, but they weren’t used at all since both weapons would guarantee blood. Thanks to the toy contract with Mattel, WWE chickens out on blood in matches like this one that could sure use it. Both men did the best they could considering they were handcuffed by the limitations and a far too brief 13 minutes of ring time. Finally, Lesnar leveled Ambrose with a third F-5 onto a sea of steel chairs for the pin. Dean Ambrose yet again comes out on the short end of a major feud. ***1/4 Check back soon for Parts 2 and 3 of this Wrestlemania 32 recap!
It may sound awfully silly, but I actually had the Wrestlemania pre-show blues after it was over. I was actually looking forward to the pre-show for once, especially since it was originally announced as a stacked pre-show with four matches instead of the standard one or two. I figured that with a two-hour pre-show, there would be ample time to deliver four strong matches.
Then disaster struck. A last-minute decision moved the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal from the pre-show to the main PPV broadcast. This wound up causing major problems with time management of the PPV later on. Then those in charge of the ticket scanning system at the AT&T Stadium in Dallas, Texas didn’t bother testing the system prior to show time to make sure it was functional. It wasn’t, leading to the stadium not only having difficulty scanning tickets but processing the huge last-minute rush of fans who decided to buy tickets the day of the show. So with all the delays caused by the faulty ticket scanning system, the decision was made to stall, stall and stall until they could stall no more. That meant lots of talking and chatter. LOTS of talking. Endless talking. You could grow cobwebs on your posterior waiting for the first match, which didn’t start until 5:45 PM Eastern time. While analysis and discussion was fine for about a half-hour or so, by the end of the two-hour pre-show, Renee Young, Booker T, Lita and Corey Graves found themselves repeating points that were already well made. 1. United States Champion Kalisto Vs. Ryback: Rumor had it that Kalisto had pitched a US title defense against his tag team partner Sin Cara, but to no one’s surprise, Vince McMahon said no. So we get yet another match in which there is a size difference of at least one foot between opponents. Sometimes this mismatch on paper can work when turned to reality, as it did at NXT Takeover on Friday. However, Austin Aries and Baron Corbin didn’t have the handicap of a styles clash to contend with. While Ryback has improved a lot since his early days as Skip Sheffield, a luchador he ain’t. Kalisto wasn’t allowed to show off any of his great high flying in the match as the majority of the bout was Ryback tossing him around like a rag doll. This was the kind of match you’d expect on a C-level show like Main Event and not on the biggest show of the year. Since people were still filing into the AT&T Stadium due to issues with the ticket scanning system, there wasn’t a full house. As a result, the match lacked the palpable crowd heat that would have helped. I was fully expecting Ryback to win the title since word on the street is that he’s in line to challenge Roman Reigns for the WWE World Championship, but I have a feeling all things have been reconsidered since he lost clean to Kalisto’s Salida Del Sol finisher. This was an average match at best. ** 2. Total Divas (Brie Bella & Paige & Natalya & Alicia Fox & Eva Marie) Vs. BAD and Blonde (Lana & Emma & Summer Rae & Naomi & Tamina Snuka): What do you get when you try to shoehorn 10 Divas, several of whom are of marginal ring ability, into a non-elimination tag team match in barely 11 minutes? A mess, that’s what! Despite being on the babyface team, Eva Marie was booed out of the building. Not helping matters was how slow and mechanical the few spots she did were. They certainly got the name in regards to the heel team BAD and Blonde since they were pretty bad overall. Only Emma looked somewhat decent. For her big in-ring debut, Lana didn’t do anything besides a few mediocre kicks. Her biggest asset right now is her heel presence. As for the match, it was largely a collection of spots, some good and some bad and all too typical of why the Divas division was looked down upon. The match finally took off when Brie Bella tagged in as everything she did looked razor sharp, but it ended shortly after when Brie finished off Naomi with the Yes Lock for the tapout. Brie’s sister Nikki, sporting a neck brace, joined in what would be the last hurrah of not only the Divas, but the Bella Twins’ wrestling careers in WWE. ** In the first hour, Lita stated she had a major announcement that she would reveal during the second hour. As it turned out, it was confirming the rumors that had flown earlier in the week that WWE was finally abandoning the putrid Divas division and replacing it with a bona fide, wrestling-heavy Women’s division, replete with a new Women’s Championship belt. It’s about time since fans will no longer accept the mindless T&A displays that the Divas division had devolved to. It also made the planned Divas Championship Triple Threat match between Charlotte, Sasha Banks and Becky Lynch a major event, with the winner being crowned the first Women’s Champion. However, no one clued the announce team that this match was crowning a new champion and that Charlotte wasn’t automatically the Women’s Champion. It would prove embarrassing later on. 3. The Usos Vs. The Dudley Boyz: Since the pre-show had 30 minutes of TV time left and the AT&T Stadium was largely full, I was expecting a fairly long match here. The Usos were given an opportunity to showcase their stuff in a lengthy pre-show match at the previous two Wrestlemania shows. Coupled with the fact that this was a grudge match stemming from a Dudleys heel turn, this should have been a showstealer. Alas, while what they did was good, they barely had 5 minutes to do their stuff. So everything was a rush job. I suppose we can’t do without the constant reminders to order the WWE Network or PPV, even though by this late time on game day, most people have already decided one way or another. Since they were pressed for time, they just got right to it, brawling all over the ring. Both teams paid tribute to a legend: The Dudleys to newly inducted Hall of Famer Stan Hansen; the Usos to late relative Umaga. A nice touch, don’t you think? After a scant few minutes of intense back-and-forth, the Usos scored the win when they broke free from a Dudley Death Drop attempt and superkicked D-Von for the pin. The Dudleys didn’t take the loss well and attempted to retaliate by putting both Usos through tables. Alas, the Dudleys were made to look like chumps as the Usos turned the tables and put both Dudleys through tables with Superfly Splashes. The live crowd was royally pissed since they were pro-Dudleys despite this team being the heel team. Not to mention it made no sense having the Dudleys lose since this is intended to be a multi-match feud and tradition says the heel wins the first encounter. ***1/4 |
Archives
March 2017
Categories |