Written and Illustrated by Koriander Bullard This story takes place in 2014 and should serve as an idea of how the WWE handles a sticky situation.
So once upon a time, my husband used to be a wrestling promoter. We had an ex-employee who was a staffer. For the sake of not putting this guy over, let's pretend his name was “Timothy Mealy”. Timothy had quit the company, and then lied and told everyone he was fired, so imagine my surprise when I found out he had moved to a new state, and was telling people he still worked for us. I don’t know if Timothy understood this, but when you tell my husband “I quit” that means you are no longer an employee here. Timothy was siphoning a feed of the WWE Network off of a friend of his. Timothy would hook a Roku box up to an old VCR, record onto VHS tape episodes of Countdown, and then use a Roxio cable to convert the VHS episodes onto DVD. Timothy would then sell these HD-to-VHS-to-DVD discs at wrestling shows, claiming to be representing my husband's company. Ironically, every disc was sold for $9.99. Oh HELL no!! So one morning, I fumbled around and got the number to WWE Corporate. I was going to let them know we were NOT affiliated with this loser and that he was bootlegging (and poorly) WWE Network. When you call the number, you get a female robot, who is supposed to direct your call to the right department, based off of the initial phrase you give her. She works now, but the day that I called, there was a rare malfunction with the robot, sending me on a tailspin just trying to find the right area. Robot: Welcome to WWE! Please state in a few short words what your call is about. Me: Bootleg DVD. Robot:…. I'm sorry, I did not catch that. Me: BOOT LEG DEE VEE DEE. Robot: *Ba-DOOP * Packapackapacka. Sending you to Stephanie McMahon Levesque. Me: OH S*** Now, I was not prepared to talk to Stephanie, but I figure the robot must have figured out that Stephanie would want to know about this, seeing as how she is the boss's daughter. I did not get to talk to her, but I did get her secretary. She sent me back to the robot and told me to try again, apologizing for the trouble. Robot: Welcome to WWE! Please state in a few short words what your call is about. Me: Bootleg DVD. Robot:…. I'm sorry, I did not catch that. Me: BOOT LEG DEE VEE DEE. Robot: *Ba-DOOP * Packapackapacka. Sending you to Paul Levesque. Me: OH S*** Now I really don't care what your stance is on the current product. You may hate Monday Night Raw. You may not even be a current WWE fan. But no matter where you are in life, if you were a fan in the 1990's, you will regress to the state of an eleven year old the moment the robot tells you that Triple H is about to pick up the phone and speak to you. You may have hated D-Generation X, but you will suddenly turn eleven years old the instant you are transferred. And so I stand there, with less than two seconds to react. Oh snap…. His ringtone really is done by Motörhead. “TIME TO PLAY THE GAAAAAAAME!!!” rips through my cell phone, followed by the laughter of late singer Lemmy and a guitar riff alerting me to an oncoming meeting with Hinter Hearst Helmsley. You know what would suck about this moment? Swallowing a gnat. Which is exactly what I did as he picked up. HHH: Hullo? Me: ACK ACK ah ah ah?!?!?! HHH: … I don't know this number. Me: AH Wait A M- I'm back to the robot. Flustered and coughing up a gnat. Robot: Welcome to WWE! Please state in a few short words what your call is about. Me: *GAAAAAAASP * Boot… leg… DVD Robot:…. I'm sorry, I did not catch that. Me: BOOT LEG DEE VEE DEE. Robot: *Ba-DOOP * Packapackapacka. Sending you to Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Me: OH S*** This time, I did not have two seconds to figure out what to say. His secretary picked up the phone immediately. Secretary: Hi! Vince McMahon's office, how may I help you? Me: Oh hai. I would like to report a bootleg DVD. I explain to her how my morning has gone, with accidentally dialing both the boss's daughter and the boss's son in law, Timothy and the bootleg DVDs. Secretary: Can you hold on a sec? Me: Sure. Muffled voice: Mmm hmm hmm hmm HMM hmm hmm. Secretary: Well that was VINCE, and he said he's sorry about the robot, they're working on it now. Muffled voice: Mmm hmm hmm hmm HMM hmm hmm. Secretary: What's that? Muffled voice: Mmm hmm hmm hmm HMM hmm hmm. Secretary: Oh. Okay I'll tell her. He says that you need to call back on Thursday and ask for Keith in Fan Services. You want Keith's email? Vince says he's on vacation but will take your call on Thursday. I jot down the email address. Muffled voice: Mmm hmm hmm hmm HMM hmm hmm. Secretary: Oh, and Vince says to have a nice day. That Thursday, just as Vince McMahon said, I called Keith and gave him all of the information. I don't know what happened, but Timothy isn't selling bootleg DVDs anymore. Last I heard, he was working at some desk job. And I s*** you not, it pays $9.99 an hour. Koriander Bullard is an author, cartoonist and human rights advocate. Keep up with her on Facebook!
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Did you have any idea that Ring of Honor was offering up a live PPV on Mother’s Day? Yeah, me neither. I found out completely by accident that the first leg of ROH’s annual Global Wars showdown featuring the stars of New Japan Pro Wrestling was a PPV offering.
It turned out to be a solid kickoff to what would turn out to be a very eventful week of shows for ROH and New Japan. Until ROH Creative pulled a McMahon and shot themselves in the foot with an overbooked ending far too reminiscent of the NWO plague long overdue for a permanent cure, ROH Global Wars 2016 was a fine show. Last weekend’s WWE Payback was an entertaining enough show, but as far as actual wrestling and overall booking, ROH blew main roster WWE away. However, ROH still has yet to completely fix the technical issues that constantly plague their live PPVs these days. While this time, the lighting was fine as was the camerawork, this time the sound became a real issue. For those of us watching at home, there was a discernible lack of crowd noise. According to those in the nose, this was attributed to the poor placement of the microphones placed in the arena to capture crowd noise. It wound up hurting the show somewhat since it seemed as if the live crowd could care less about the hot action inside the ring. If ROH hopes to make regular PPV a viable outlet, they need to address these technical issues pronto. They also need to spend the money to visibly advertise these shows. Right now, they’re counting on a few mentions on the weekly TV show to get by. The only problem is that their television show is unavailable in large chunks of the United States other than the few boondock areas where Sinclair programming is accessible. #1 Contender Fatal 4-Way: Dalton Castle Vs. Roderick Strong Vs. ACH Vs. Adam Page: The winner of this match would receive a future TV Title shot, presumably at the TV tapings in Las Vegas Wednesday or perhaps even the next live PPV, Best in the World 2016, next month. This was a hot opener, which is no surprise considering the talent involved. Castle reminds me very much of Lanny Poffo, a superb wrestler doing a semi-comedic gay gimmick. The one difference is that Castle is insanely over and pushed as a top worker while Poffo was treated as nothing more than a jobber during his WWF run in the mid-80s and early 90s. Strong was the former TV Champion who desperately wants his title back. Page and ACH are looking to make a mark and gain their first taste of championship gold. The poor crowd micing hurt the match a little as a televised bout, but the plethora of hot moves and killer spots more than made up for it. Strong seemingly had the match won, finishing off Page with the gutbuster but Castle hit the ring and took Strong out with the Bang-a-Rang. He collapsed onto Page for the win to the delight of the live crowd. They really should put the TV title on Castle. He’s a solid worker and over enough to carry the title quite easily. ****1/4 The Addiction (Christopher Daniels & Kazarian) Vs. Jushin “Thunder” Liger & Cheeseburger: Cheeseburger was portrayed as the ultimate underdog on commentary, even pointing out his stick-thin physique as a sizable disadvantage. While this would be tantamount to a burial on a main roster WWE show, in ROH it managed to add some psychology to the match. Liger stuck mostly to mat wrestling, which is understandable given his age and decades of wear and tear on the body. Yet everything he did looked fantastic and it was evidence of just how good a wrestler Liger actually is. Daniels and Kazarian were great as usual, playing arrogant heels to perfection. Cheeseburger was allowed to get plenty of offense in and looked great while doing so. This was an excellent match with an effective surprise finish when Cheeseburger took advantage of a far-too-confident Daniels’ cocky stalling to roll him up in a Victory Roll for the pin. Daniels and Kazarian went crazy afterward, taking Liger out with a piledriver while finishing off Cheeseburger with a combination spike piledriver/Best Moonsault Ever. This new combo move has been dubbed Best Meltzer Ever, named after Wrestling Observer founder Dave Meltzer. When’s someone going to name their finisher after me? I’ll probably have to wait a few years for that one. ****1/4 ROH World Tag Team Champions War Machine (Rowe & Hanson) Vs. The Briscoes: Kevin Kelly’s commentary emphasized that should Jay and Mark Briscoe prevail, they would officially be ten-time ROH World Tag Team champions. This was a nice touch since it helped give the match a nail-biting dimension WWE’s primary announcing team wouldn’t have been allowed to give a similar bout. The match didn’t start out well at first, as both teams seemed to have trouble getting the match going. Luckily, they found the ideal solution to break free from the funk: just beat the living crap out of each other. This was one of the stiffest, intense and most brutal tag team matches I’ve seen take place outside of Japan. The last several minutes were extremely suspenseful and intense as they traded one near fall after another. I actually believed the Briscoes were going to pull off the victory, especially with the hype that they would become 10-time tag team champions should they prevail here. However, that milestone wasn’t in the cards as War Machine scored the victory after finishing off Jay with the Fallout double team finisher for the pin. ****3/4 IWGP World Heavyweight Champion Tetsuya Naito Vs. Kyle O’Reilly: This was a rematch from their singles bout last year at War of the Worlds Night 2 in Philadelphia. There was one primary difference: the Philly bout was played for humor while this one was dead serious in tone. Naito’s IWGP World title was not on the line in this match, which led many to believe that perhaps O’Reilly would score a win here. Such thinking certainly makes sense when you consider that O’Reilly is a regular in New Japan and they certainly need new title contenders. O’Reilly made a valiant effort, coming close to scoring a victory at times. O’Reilly went for a bridging back suplex but Naito kicked out and finished off his quarry with the Destino for the clean pin. To further his gimmick as a loose cannon World champion, he swiftly kicked O’Reilly in the balls after the match and threw around the IWGP World title belt like a rag doll. It worked to perfection. This was far and away the best match from a pure wrestling standpoint. ******
Hiroshi Tanahashi & Michael Elgin Vs. Kazuchika Okada & Moose: Tanahashi and Elgin are a regular tag team in New Japan Pro Wrestling while it was the first time pairing of Moose and Okada. It must have been deafening inside the Frontier Fieldhouse because even with the poor sound, one could hear the loud cheers for Tanahashi and Okada when they entered the arena. In fact, this was the most animated the crowd was on the TV broadcast. For many, this was the first chance to see the Tanahashi/Okada rivalry live and they weren’t going to let it slip through their fingers. This was the second best match of the show. Tanahashi/Okada gave us their usual magic inside the ring. For a guy with barely two years of in-ring experience to date, Moose continues to impress me as one of the most natural wrestlers I’ve ever seen. Everything he did looked great. Elgin was his usual solid self in the ring as well. Just a great back-and-forth tag team with a surprise finish when Moose gave Elgin his Spinning Spear, causing Elgin to stumble into Okada’s Rainmaker for the pin. This was considered an upset as Elgin and Tanahashi are an established tag team while Okada and Moose are not. ******
TV Champion Toshihiro Ishii Vs. Bobby Fish: This was billed as Fish’s last chance at the TV title, particularly since Fish was coming off of three straight unsuccessful title shots on ROH PPV. Announcer Kevin Kelly kept portraying Fish as the ultimate underdog, even mentioning his age of 39 several times throughout the match. This was one of the stiffest matches I’ve ever seen on an American PPV, as Fish matched Ishii blow-for-blow when it came to exchanging stiff, hard shots. They beat the holy crap out of each other, which made for exciting viewing at home. It made the so-called hard shots of Roman Reigns at the Payback PPV look pathetically phony by comparison. The lack of proper crowd noise hurt the match a little since it seemed as if they could care less about this great match as it was unfolding. The finish was sensational, as Fish captured the TV title by choking Ishii out. Ishii never tapped, so he didn’t come off as weak even with the loss. I imagine this match was even better live than it was on TV, where the rabid crowd noise would have given the bout that little bit extra. Still a great match. ****3/4 The Bullet Club (The Young Bucks & IWGP World Tag Team Champions Tama Tonga & Tanga Loa) Vs. Kushida & Matt Sydal & The Motor City Machine Guns (Alex Shelley & Chris Sabin): I don’t know about you, but these multi-man tag team matches featuring The Young Bucks are all starting to look alike. Don’t get me wrong- they are good matches. But after a while, we can pretty much predict how they’re going to go down. Tonight was no different. Thankfully, the level of talent within made it well worth watching, even when the inevitable spots of the Bucks superkicking everyone in sight and stalling for gags came to fruition. Match was largely a collection of high spots, all of which were well executed but psychology was sorely missed. Tama Tonga and Tanga Loa are the sons of wrestling legend Haku. You may even remember Loa during his brief WWE tenure as Camacho. They worked as total monster heels, no selling one spot after another. Meanwhile, the Bucks just about oversold on every offensive move dished out to them. Finish came when Kushida finally took out the Tonga brothers with a running flip dive, but inside the ring, the Bucks leveled Alex Shelley with- what else? – a superkick and the Meltzer Driver for the pin. ***1/4 ROH World Heavyweight Champion Jay Lethal Vs. Colt Cabana: This was an excellent match that wound up being treated as merely setup for an angle to close the show. Having abandoned the goofy comedy gimmick of old, Cabana was a real revelation, doing some of his best work in the ring to date. Lethal’s been a phenomenal World champion, just weeks away from his one year anniversary of winning the title at last year’s Best in the World PPV. Billed as an unresolved grudge match, it was a solid mix of brawling and wrestling action. It seemed as if Cabana was going to pull off the win of his career when all hell broke loose. He had Lethal in the Billy Goat’s Curse and it appeared as if Lethal was going to tap. Before he could, Lethal’s valet Taeler Hendrix yanked ref Todd Sinclair out the ring. Considering Sinclair is pushing 400 pounds, Hendrix is indeed one strong woman. The Young Bucks hit the ring and did- what else- one superkick after another. They superkicked Sinclair, then shockingly superkicked Hendrix. They entered the ring with Bullet Club T-shirts for Lethal and Cabana, but both men refused to accept the shirts. So what did you think happened? That’s right- the Bucks superkicked both men. But not before the lights went out and Adam Cole clad in a Bullet Club T-shirt appeared out of nowhere. The trio began superkicking everyone in sight- including announcers Kevin Kelly and Mr. Wrestling III (Steve Corino in a mask). Lethal was bound to the ring ropes with zip ties while the trio superkicked him to death. In other words, it’s the NWO/Nexus all over again. I’m so tired of evil factions of malcontents causing havoc through violence already. However, unlike WCW or WWE’s versions, there was a method to booker Delirious’ madness here that would pay off later in the week. ***3/4
There are reasons why WWE shouldn’t offer two PPV shows within a three-week span in a single month. Extreme Rules 2016 offered several such reasons, none of them good to justify the practice.
Extreme Rules 2016 was just another Sunday night PPV that felt like nothing special when it all over. A line-up that looked strong on paper was underwhelming in execution. Only the Intercontinental Championship match went above and beyond. Other matches started out strong but were defeated by poor, often lazy booking and being rushed for time. So far, the so-called “New Era” of WWE seems an awful lot like the old era. As long as Vince McMahon remains in the position of calling every shot, no forward progressive progress will be made or last long in WWE. If Payback was the hint that this was so, Extreme Rules was the definitive proof. Pre-Show Fracas: Straight Back To Dudleyville: The Dudley Boyz, Bubba Ray and D-Von, hit the ring to cut a promo against the latest thorn in their side, NXT call-up Big Cass Colin Cassidy. The Dudleys were cheered at first, so they quickly turned the New Jersey crowd against them by trashing the state. Big Cass came out and at first, I thought we’d get a kickass impromptu match, especially since there was well over 30 minutes of pre-show left. Alas, all we got was Big Cass swiftly cleaning house and laying out both Dudleys to the delight of the crowd. It wouldn’t have killed anyone to have a Big Cass/Bubba Ray or D-Von match. But why give fans an extra match when they can keep on chattering away and providing a hard sell to a PPV most people have already made up their minds to watch or order. As long as Vince McMahon remains as stubborn as a mule, he’ll never learn. Pre-Show Match: No DQ- Baron Corbin Vs. Dolph Ziggler: Despite a one-hour pre-show, these two barely got 7 minutes to put on what should have been a hot match on paper. As a result, the match wasn’t any good. Free from HHH’s careful booking in NXT, Corbin’s shortcomings in the ring have become more glaringly obvious. He needed at least another year of seasoning in Florida. Perhaps I should be grateful that at least Corbin won this time, finishing off Ziggler with the End of Days. It was just about the only impressive spot in the match. Some have speculated that Ziggler was working hurt. That certainly would explain a lot. ½* Texas Tornado Match: The Usos Vs. Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows: This was a hot opener and easily the best Texas Tornado match in many years. The only complaint is that it was a tad too short at barely 8 minutes. At least it started out hot and never let up in terms of exciting action. Finish was fairly clever and different. It appeared that the Usos were going to prevail as Jimmy Uso was all set to finish off Anderson with the Superfly Splash. Anderson rolled out of the way and Jimmy landed atop the ring bell that Anderson had dragged into the ring moments earlier. That was all Anderson and Gallows needed to finish off Jimmy with the Magic Killer for the pin. The right team won, but why did this match have to be so short? The work was magic and I could have easily gone for another 10 minutes. ***3/4 United States Champion Kalisto Vs. Rusev: After three straight demotions to the pre-show, the US Championship match finally returned to the main card. Despite the drastic size difference between the diminutive Kalisto and the bulkier Rusev, they worked well together and had a really good 10 minute match here. It also had strong psychology, built around the concept that Kalisto was entering his title defense smarting from a series of persistent attacks from the challenger. Then came the finishing sequence, which was one of the more clever and interesting I’ve seen in a singles championship match in a while. Kalisto attempted to counter Rusev’s Torture Rack with the Salida Del Sol, but Rusev slammed the champ hard into the ring apron. Kalisto laid there as if he was legitimately injured and at first, I believed that he was. It soon became apparent that this was part of the match as Rusev dragged Kalisto’s carcass back into the ring, kicked him hard in the back, swatted away the ref and locked on the Accolade. Since Kalisto was so small, Rusev was able to bend all the way backwards, looking as if he broke Kalisto in half. Kalisto tapped out, giving Rusev the win and his second US title. Despite being a heel, Rusev was heavily cheered by the live Jersey crowd. ***3/4 WWE Tag Team Champions The New Day Vs. The Vaudevillains: As an avid NXT fan, it was sad to see such a charismatic and talented team like Aiden English and Simon Gotch receive no reaction from the live crowd in New Jersey. It’s yet another sign that once hot NXT talent wind up on the main roster, they are deprived of what made them special. This was a good match, but considering how good both of these teams are, it should have been a lot better. It didn’t help that they only got six minutes of ring time, which made this bout seem as if it was solely designed as time filler, not a high-stakes major title match. It did seem as if the Vaudevillains would pull off an upset when English and Gotch finished off Big E, but it wasn’t to be. After Big E. recovered and speared English out of the ring, Kofi Kingston interfered, kicking Gotch in the skull. Xavier Woods nailed the Shining Wizard on Gotch’s corpse for the pin. It makes for a strange dynamic when the faces cheat while the heels play by the rules. ***1/4
Fatal 4-Way: Intercontinental Champion The Miz Vs. Cesaro Vs. Kevin Owens Vs. Sami Zayn: Here was the surprise of the evening, as a match that looked like a good one on paper turned out to be pretty damn great. The tone was set right at the start when Zayn nailed Owens with Helluva kick to start. Cesaro promptly slugged Miz with European uppercut. Zayn and Cesaro nodded to the other with respect before locking up, chain wrestling with skill and flair. The way the Intercontinental Championship had been booked as of late and judging from how every early match this evening was being rushed through, I was expecting an 8 minute rush job. What we got was a 20 minute thriller that never let up, especially towards the final five minutes with one insane near fall after another. This was easily Miz’ best match in many years, although it certainly didn’t hurt to have five high caliber opponents. They teased a repeat of the previous PPV’s IC title finish when Cesaro made Miz tap out to the Sharpshooter, but the ref was distracted by Owens and Zayn’s brawling. However, a nice surprise came when Cesaro kicked out of Miz’ roll-up and tights-holding. Several more near falls, including a pop up powerbomb for Owens and the Skull Crushing Finale for Miz occurred. Finish finally came when it appeared that Sami Zayn was going to win the title after finishing off Cesaro with the Tornado DDT. However, after he made the cover, Kevin Owens yanked him out of the ring for a brawl. Miz opportunistically covered Cesaro for the pin. So the IC title remains on a guy that no one cares about, thanks to two years plus of being jobbed out to the point that no one buys him as a major threat. Maybe this IC title run will go a ways towards rehabbing The Miz. Then again, maybe not. Michael Cole kept mentioning that this was a Match of the Year candidate. He was actually right. I imagine Vince McMahon’s head exploded backstage since he has specifically banned the phrase Match of the Year from any commentary. Why? Because he personally hates the term and he’s an idiot. ******++++
Asylum Cage Match: Chris Jericho Vs. Dean Ambrose: After the highs of the previous match, the show proceeded to sink beneath the depths and never recover. Perhaps it was not a wise move to watch a DVD-R copy of The Best of Sabu Vol 9, as it featured a cage match strewn with weapons featuring Sabu and Cactus Jack. That match was a textbook example of how to successfully pull off a weapons cage match. Alas, Jericho/Ambrose was a textbook example of how NOT to stage such a match. This was the most boring and murderously slow steel cage match I’ve ever seen. Jericho stalled so much that Larry Zybszko could sue for gimmick infringement and win. Hell, why not? Zybszko has sued Jericho in the past for using the phrase ‘Living Legend’, even going as far as to enter Bill Apter magazines as evidence. A Weapons Cage match should be fast paced and exciting. This match was about as exciting as watching Congress “work” each day. Then there was the blood factor. Considering that this match featured an ECW Original and a veteran of the hardcore Combat Zone promotion, it was simply foolish to even consider doing this match if no blading or blood was going to be allowed. Especially when a barbed wire baseball bat was one of the weapons involved. This match dragged on to an interminable 27 minutes that felt more like 27 hours. Some of the weapons, such as a plastic kiddie beach bucket and a lightweight plastic mop were laughable, which sucked the life out of this being a grudge match. When Ambrose pulled out the black sack of thumbtacks, the announcers played dumb and wondered what they could be. As if 20+ years of this prop didn’t provide an instant clue! They took forever teasing the spot of who would become the world’s largest pincushion before Jericho landed arm first in the stuff. A mere trickle of blood from the arm was the extent of the bloodshed. Ambrose eventually scored the pin with the Dirty Deeds DDT into the thumbtacks. DUD Submission Match: Women’s Champion Charlotte Vs. Natalya: The five-month streak of the women putting on the best match of a WWE PPV came to an end last night. Oh, it wasn’t the fault of either Charlotte or Natalya, who were putting on their usual strong effort in the ring. We can thank the idiotic booking mindset of Vincent Kennedy McMahon and his minions in WWE Creative, who seem as unwilling as ever to book a heel to win cleanly these days. Until the beyond bad finish, both women were having a very solid match built around various submission holds. There was great storytelling here and each submission was sold as match-threatening, which made for a very involving match, good enough to be the second-best match of the show. Then came the lame ass finish. Just as Natalya had the match won, out came someone dressed as Charlotte’s father, the legendary Nature Boy Ric Flair. But it wasn’t Naitch, but recent NXT call-up Dana Brooke in disguise. She distracted Natalya, allowing Charlotte to clip Nattie in the knee and lock on the Figure Eight for the tap out. So Charlotte yet again wins by cheating. It’s quite a contrast from her NXT days, where HHH booked her to win clean, yet remain a heel. I understand that her father’s reputation was being the dirtiest player in the game, but why does HER legacy have to be the same? Charlotte is a great all-around talent. Let her be her own woman and establish her own legacy away from her father’s. Finishes like this do her no favors, nor do they help anyone else involved. **** Extreme Rules Match: WWE World Heavyweight Champion Roman Reigns Vs. AJ Styles: Reigns was booed out of the building yet again as the fans have actively rejected him and will cheer anyone who faces him. Rather than do the logical thing, Vince McMahon stubbornly insists upon Reigns remaining the top babyface rather than turn him heel. This match was better than the trainwreck from Payback, but it was still far below par from what these two are capable of in the ring. Reigns was still heavily favoring his leg, often limping. This gives me the impression that he’s working through injuries. It certainly would explain his lackluster title defenses since winning the WWE World title at Wrestlemania 32 last month. AJ Styles is also working through back and ankle injuries, so he wasn’t in his top form either. Both men did enough to get by and bravely took some insane bumps and spots to help make the match watchable enough, but considering what both are capable of, it was still a letdown. The usual spots were all present, including the breaking of the ringside barrier, brawling all over the place, destroying tables and interference from each side’s buddies. Oh wait- they did all this LAST TIME, too! So what’s the difference? No DQs or countouts. Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson hit the ring to interfere on behalf of their buddy AJ. Apparently, no mention was made of AJ not wanting their inference, so perhaps AJ turned heel. Or perhaps not. Who can tell with Vince McMahon’s topsy-turvy rollercoaster booking? The Usos hit the ring to even the odds and because they were associated with Reigns, their real life cousin, they were booed out of the building. Each side attempted to help the other win the battle but it didn’t work. Styles seemingly had the match won when he finished off Reigns with the Styles Clash but Reigns kicked out. Styles then nailed Reigns and the Usos with what seemed like 20+ chair shots to the back and gut each. Styles went to finish off his quarry with his specialty springboard plancha elbow, but Reigns no-sold the chair shots and Speared AJ for the pin. The live crowd in New Jersey was not happy over this. Neither was anyone watching at home. The commentary kept plugging the McMahon-mandated line of how Reigns can be loved or hated but that the fans are passionate either way. Talk about your rose colored glasses! Just as Reigns started to celebrate, along came the surprise return of Seth Rollins, who was feuding with Reigns when he suffered a major knee injury last November. Rollins promptly destroyed Reigns with the Pedigree and several shots to the body before grabbing the WWE World title and hoisting it up in the air. The cheers were deafening when this happened. If Vince thinks Reigns is going to be embraced as a babyface against the returning Rollins when they face off next month at Money in the Bank, he is truly clueless about reality. ***1/4
For a show hyped as the first PPV of a new era, WWE Payback 2016 was more like Back to the Future than a new era. Rather than move forward with exciting new concepts with fresh new talent, the show wound up reviving concepts from a bygone era, namely the wildly overrated Attitude Era of 1997 to 2001.
Payback wasn’t a terrible show overall, as there was enough strong wrestling on the show to make it a marginal thumbs up. Some of the matches, such as Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn, Dean Ambrose/Chris Jericho and Charlotte/Natalya were just super from start to finish. However, the booking of the main event was nothing short of a disaster, turning the company’s World champion and title into a mere afterthought. The dubious belief that rehashing the McMahon Family Soap Opera will revive weak TV ratings and viewership is laughable at best and extremely foolish at worst. Payback is certainly the weakest WWE PPV of the year to date, as is often the case when a single month offers up TWO main roster PPVs. 1. Pre-Show Match: Dolph Ziggler Vs. Baron Corbin: I was not a big fan of WWE’s decision to call up NXT talent Corbin this soon into his in-ring development. I felt he had at least another year of seasoning to go and that he would be forced to hold back from what he could do in the ring. My worst fears were justified after watching this match. Corbin wasn’t allowed to do 1/16th of what he was allowed to in NXT. What he did do was the typical boring big man crap such as tossing a guy around the ring like a rag doll and then stalling to show off. Ziggler showed nothing here either, but considering that one of his brothers is wanted for homicide in real life, perhaps he had more important things on his mind. Corbin seemingly had the match won after decimating Ziggler with a hard throw into the ring post but once he got Dolph back inside the ring, he refused to make the cover. That was all Ziggler needed to win, no-selling the beatdown and rolling up Corbin for the pin, holding his trunks for good measure. So much for the start of a new era in WWE. DUD 2. Pre-Show Match: US Champion Kalisto Vs. Ryback: This was a rematch from their Wrestlemania pre-show bout. That match wasn’t very good due to being forced to wrestle in a near-empty arena with few fans watching while rushing through a C-level match. All of that was rectified for this rematch. The Allstate Arena was packed to the gills, with a sellout 11,000 people. They were given roughly 10 minutes instead of under 5. Kalisto and Ryback meshed far better as opponents this time around. It was a bit sloppy in the beginning, especially an ugly moment when Ryback didn’t properly catch Kalisto after the latter did a corkscrew tope off the top rope to the outside. But eventually they found their groove and had a really good match. The last five minutes were simply exceptional, with one near fall after another and an impressive spot where Ryback gave Kalisto a leaping Military Press off the top turnbuckle that was an amazing feat to behold. After ten evenly matched minutes, Kalisto scored the clean pin after reversing Ryback’s Shell Shock into the Salida del Sol. This match really should have been on the main PPV card. ***3/4 3. #1 Contender’s Tag Team Tournament Finals- Enzo Amore & Big Cass Vs. The Vaudevillains: Enzo and Big Cass got a colossally huge pop from the live Chicago crowd, replete with audience members chanting along with Enzo and Big Cass during their traditional pre-match promo. The Vaudevillains received a total heel reaction instead of the more positive cheers they often received in NXT. They were just getting started on par to a strong match when tragedy struck almost four minutes into the match. After a toss from Simon Gotch, Enzo Amore was supposed to slide safely out of the ring via the bottom rope. What happened was a freak accident in which Amore’s head hit the middle rope, causing his head to snap back. When he tumbled out of the ring, the back of his head hit the ring apron with a sickening thud. Gotch has been receiving an unfair amount of blame from the Internet Wrestling Community, claiming that he botched the throw and then proceeded to callously move Amore after the latter’s fall. The throw was not a botch and it didn’t occur to any of the pinheads making nasty cracks that perhaps Gotch didn’t realize what had happened. In any case, Amore wasn’t moving. I actually feared that he had died. Referee Dan Engler went to take a look and immediately crossed his arms into the dreaded X symbol. Amore was stretchered out to the silence of the crowd and the disquieting looks of terror and concern from announcers JBL, Michael Cole and Byron Saxton, not to mention the other participants in this match. It really sucked the life out of the show and we were barely 15 minutes into the main portion of the evening. Since the match was called off, No Rating 4. Kevin Owens Vs. Sami Zayn: With the crowd utterly dead due to Enzo Amore’s serious injury and a hotly anticipated match being called off, I wonder if Zayn and Owens felt they had to take their grudge match up a few more notches than usual. This was one intense and brutal grudge match. It must have worked as the crowd slowly came to life, eating up what turned out to be a fantastic match. While it wasn’t the instant classic their two NXT World title matches were last year, this was a super match by main roster standards. Both men were allowed to shine as serious competitors beating the living tar out of each other for almost 20 minutes. The blows were so stiff that Owens busted his nose and the blood came pouring out. Luckily, they didn’t dare stop a hot match to seal up any cuts. Zayn did one nasty spot where he ran and nailed a tornado DDT onto Owens from the opposite side of the ring. Zayn kept absorbing brutal punishment and kicking out, infuriating Owens in the process. Finally, Owens finished off his rival with a stiff pop up power bomb. Owens collapsed atop of Zayn for the pin. It seems as if the Owens/Zayn feud is one and done as Owens cut a post-match promo, challenging the winner of Cesaro/Miz en route to reclaiming HIS Intercontinental title. ****1/2 Michael Cole announced to the live crowd and all of us at home that Enzo Amore had regained consciousness and could move his extremities. So it looks like he might have dodged a bullet. We’d find out more as the evening progressed. 5. Intercontinental Champion The Miz Vs. Cesaro: Owens stuck around for guest commentary and did a great job in the role. WWE might want to consider using him as a heel announcer once his in-ring career is over because he was simply fantastic in the role here. As for the match, it was a really good match. Miz has been jobbed out for so long that it’s a joke that WWE expects us to take him seriously, but the truth is that he is a really good worker in the ring. Cesaro was working with a wrapped shoulder, although I suspect that it’s a worked injury since he was coming off a long layoff due to shoulder surgery. They worked a very solid match here. Then came a strong hint that the Owens/Zayn feud isn’t one-and-done after all as Zayn dove onto Owens out of nowhere and beat the crap out of him. Both men brawled into the ring, distracting the ref just as Cesaro made Miz tap out to the Crossface. Since the ref didn’t see it, no title change would occur. Miz promptly rolled up Cesaro and held onto the trunks for the pin. Owens, now madder than Donald Trump when challenged on one of his fearmongering lies, promptly laid waste to one and all still standing in the ring while Miz slinked away like the snake in the grass he portrays on TV. Owens held up the IC belt and claimed it was “mine”, so I’m guessing a Fatal 4-Way in 3 weeks at the Extreme Rules PPV. Sounds good to me. ***3/4
6. Chris Jericho Vs. Dean Ambrose: I had apprehensions about this match, not because it was going to suck, but because I feared yet another high profile loss for Ambrose, who may be the most popular singles wrestler on the main roster right now. Of the three former Shield members (including the injured Seth Rollins and current WWE World champ Roman Reigns), I always felt Ambrose was the one with real star potential as a singles megastar. Unlike Reigns, Ambrose is an awesome talker and an expert in ring psychology. He also has this natural charisma in which you just can’t help but like the guy, even when he was a heel. He really should be the WWE World Champion, but as we know by now, owner Vince McMahon doesn’t see Ambrose as anything more than midcard. Ambrose has been on a three-PPV losing streak, losing matches he should have won. Jericho received a ton of heat for scoring a win over AJ Styles last month at Wrestlemania when he could afford the loss. So I feared that Ambrose would lose yet again to a part-timer whose current run hasn’t been as strong as other runs have been. My fears were for naught as the two not only had an awesome match, but the right guy actually won clean for a change. This was easily Jericho’s best match in his current tenure (September 2015 to present) and Ambrose was allowed to shine, something he wasn’t last month with Brock Lesnar. The Walls of Jericho was treated as a serious finisher for a change to, with Ambrose coming off as tough escaping the hold twice. Jericho attempted to finish off his rival with the Lionsault, but Ambrose stuck his knees up. After softening Jericho up with a few knees to the gut, Ambrose nailed the Dirty Deeds DDT for the pin. *****
7.Women’s Champion Charlotte Vs. Natalya: I can’t help but be impressed over the great turnaround of women’s wrestling on main roster WWE. In-ring wrestling has finally taken precedence over giggling body parts and the result has been a string of great matches that have been the standout matches on the last four PPVs. Tonight was no exception. Although this was their third go-around on a major show, it was not a rehash of those earlier bouts, but a new and different match. This time around, both women worked a great match around the concept that Natalya refused to tap out to the Figure Eight, no matter how much Charlotte worked over the knee and leg. The wrestling was spectacular, amongst the best in-ring performances of the year so far. Then came the finish, which was divided people. As Charlotte locked on the Sharpshooter, ref Charles Robinson rang for the bell and hightailed it out of the ring. Natalya didn’t tap out, so this was a variation of the infamous Montreal Screwjob, when Nattie’s uncle Bret Hart was screwed out of his title in a Sharpshooter spot that was called early despite no submission. I found it to be a clever variation, giving us something different in a finish to women’s wrestling matches than usual. Many didn’t like the exploitation of Montreal. They have a fair point, to be honest. The post-match saw Bret Hart, who accompanied his niece to ringside, clock Charlotte’s father Ric Flair and lock on the Sharpshooter while Natalya did the same to Charlotte. Both Flairs tapped out. This was likely to set up a Submission match for the next PPV in 3 weeks. ****** 8. The McMahon Family Therapy Ego Trip: Now it was time for several egos to be stroked during one long in-ring vignette. Remember that old ‘Simpsons’ episode where Bart and Lisa found themselves on rival hockey teams, with Homer insisting that they don’t take it easy on each other since they would be fighting for their parents’ love? Well, just scratch out Bart, Lisa and Homer and replace with Shane, Stephanie and Vince McMahon. Vince was to decide whether Shane or Stephanie would run Monday Night Raw. He decided that they would have to share Raw. What is this- ‘Full House’? Never mind: that show was only a half-hour instead of Raw’s butt and mind numbing three, plus if John Stamos, Bob Saget and Dave Coulier were to show up, at least fans would cheer instead of the groaning that accompanies any McMahon. Enzo Amore Update: testing revealed that Amore just suffered a severe concussion but is otherwise okay. He got off VERY easily all things considered. 9. WWE World Champion Roman Reigns Vs. AJ Styles: I had high hopes for this main event. On paper, it looked like it couldn’t miss. Despite being booed out of every arena he steps into these days, Reigns has proven himself to be a very solid in-ring performer. Styles is one of the greatest workers of his generation. With enough time, these two could have put on a real classic here. Unfortunately for them, several things happened that sent this match straight to the toilet. First, Reigns tweaked his leg early on in the match and as a result, his in-ring performance wasn’t up to his usual high standard of the past year. Even worse, the dumb decision was made to severely overbook this match to the point that it became a colossal clusterf*** of the highest order. The match was coming along fine for the first 10 minutes or so, a solid if unspectacular match in the *** to ***1/2 range when Reigns was counted out, handing AJ a victory but not the World title. Then along came Shane McMahon to restart the match as a No Countout match. Another two or so minutes passed by before Reigns gave AJ the Superman bunch to the testicles for the DQ. Then along came Stephanie McMahon to restart the match as a No DQ match. At this point, I received a message from my fellow Phoenix author Koriander Bullard, predicting “Now Gallows, Anderson and the Usos will interfere”. Sure enough, they did. It was simply THAT predictable by this point. Since it was no DQ, of course it was all legal. It devolved into a trainwreck that was an indistinguishable mess for the fan to try and figure out at home. It finally came to an end when Reigns nailed Styles with the Spear for the 1-2-3, retaining the WWE World title. Not one minute into Reigns’ in-ring celebration, the camera cut away to backstage where all three McMahons were arguing about a rematch for the Extreme Rules PPV in three weeks. So it all wound up being about the McMahon family instead of where the focus should be: Roman Reigns, the WWE World title and top challenger AJ Styles. What a disgusting and total disgrace! Sheer arrogance and egotism is behind this dumb decision to rehash a never ending family feud that fans were tired of 15 years ago. If this PPV was supposed to be the start of a new era, making the McMahons the primary stars of the show was not the way to do so. Your World champion, his top challenger and the coveted prize of the WWE World Championship were left looking like an afterthought so three people who shouldn’t be anywhere near the vicinity of a camera could be the last thing fans think about when this show was over. They ought to be ashamed of themselves, but I think they have no shame any longer. Ugh. *1/4 |
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