Written and Illustrated by Koriander Bullard
Hey kids! Do you like Mad Libs? Then you'll LOVE the new “Kori's Day Out” play set! Each fun card has a scenario or sentence with three different options that YOU get to choose! Let's play the game!
1. Kori is seated at a table, looking through Facebook when suddenly, __________ !
a. Kori's husband tells a new friend that she is multi-racial.
b. A man sees her reading an NAACP related article.
c. A woman tries to tug on Kori's Afro.
2. As Kori turns her gaze upwards to see the Caucasian in front of her, (he/she) tries to tell Kori that's she's not a “REAL Blackin” because she _______________.
a. Doesn't listen to rap or hip hop all the time.
b. Didn't have kids by the age of 16.
c. Doesn't eat pork.
d. Doesn't have a prison record.
e. Is into “Jap crap” such as Pokemon card collecting and video games from Atlus
f. Doesn't speak in Ebonics
g. Does not have metal covering or replacing any of her teeth
h. Doesn't wear gold chains
I. Isn't on government assistance
j. Isn't drinking grape soda or juice
k. Isn't “crunk”
l. Isn't eating watermelon
m. Isn't currently eating chicken
n. Doesn't have anything mentholated at the moment
o. Doesn't engage in fist fights with other females
p. Was raised Jew for Jesus
q. Is not a gun owner.
r. Is not currently eating Soul Food
s. Does not watch Tyler Perry films
t. Isn't playing gospel on her iPod
u. Some combination of the above.
3. The Caucasian then exclaims that (he/she) is “more Black” than Kori will EVER be, because______.
a. He/She is mooching off of the Government and is proud.
b. He/She has a rap sheet a mile long.
c. He/She routinely has gotten into street fights.
d. Eats pork.
e. Jebus Cri our LAWRD an' savur
g. He/She has Kanye West/Lil' Wayne/Beyonce/Nikki Minaj on his/her iPod
h. He/She enjoys good ol' suthurn cookin'
4. Kori is now angry. She produces a photo of her family, showing that she is biologically one quarter Black, and points out her Mulatto mother, Black grandfather, Black aunts, etc. A second photo shows her hair is natural and comes from her mother.
The Caucasian rolls (his/her) eyes and tells her not to __________.
a. Start drama
b. Make a scene
c. Get ghetto
d. Be a bitch
e. Go crazy
5. Now that the Caucasian has made Kori feel less like a person and more like an animal who needs to be shot, she is even MORE angry and insulted. She informs the Caucasian that she would not do something that would break the law, and demands an apology. The Caucasian says_________
a. It was JUST a JOKE Koriander.
b. I'm not a racist, BUT
c. Lighten up
d. I was just having FUN okay??
e. Are you on your period/PMSing?
6. Of course, this makes Kori more mad. “Look you racist, ignorant twatwaffle!” She exclaims. “Just because I'm not a peach-lipped, blackfaced stereotype does NOT mean I am less Black than YOU!!” Prompting the Caucasian to say that (he/she) is “so NAWT” a racist, because___________
a. I have Black friends! (The Caucasian names off three people, one of which served him/her coffee at McDonald's.)
b. I'm SO not like that.
c. You're a crazy BITCH when you're angry!
d. My grandmother was the Cherokee Princess Pocahontas!! (Give yourself 5 points if you know Pocahontas was not his/her grandmother nor was she Cherokee, and her princess status exists in Disney alone.)
7. As Kori is getting more and more agitated, a second Caucasian tugs at her Afro. She whips around, telling the second Caucasian “I am NOT a petting zoo!!” with the stamp of her foot. The second Caucasian says________
a. But I just wanted to know what it felt like, it's so WILD!
b. You SHOULD take this as a compliment. Everyone else thinks your hair is just messy/nappy.
c. Uh oh! Here we go, she's going to be CRAZY again.
8. Deciding not to go to prison for cruel and unusual murder by broken spork, Kori decides to walk away. Behind her back, she hears both Caucasians write her off as________
a. A bitch
d. A wannabe Blackin'
g. Some combination of the above.
9. Kori's husband John realizes too late that Kori is mad. He's not exactly sure if her anger is directed at him for bringing her into this situation, or at just the two Caucasians that disrespected her and then expected to be thanked for their moronic idea of “joke” telling. Frantically looking at his phone, he peeks at the budget so he can bring Kori's mood up from it's current state by purchasing for her_____
a. A Snickers bar
b. A coffee
c. Something from her Amazon wish-list
d. Chocolate covered strawberries
Koriander Bullard is an author, cartoonist and human rights advocate. Keep up with her on Facebook!