10. Becky Lynch & Carmella & Naomi Vs. Natalya & Alexa Bliss & ?????: Rather than acknowledging Eva Marie’s real life Wellness Policy suspension, Vince McMahon and his Uncreative team decided to treat us all like drooling morons. They foolishly decided to exploit anxiety and depression for cheap heat, claiming that Eva Marie ran away to Europe for rest. Eva Marie already has such white hot incinerator heat that she doesn’t need this much help. Not to mention that everyone knows she was suspended for abusing Adderall, a prescription drug intended to treat ADHD but is increasingly being abused a performance enhancing drug. Now you’d think that with the NXT talent still in town, they could have simply had current NXT Women’s champ Asuka (whose character walks the thin line between face and heel) make a main roster appearance. No, that would be too easy. Instead, Nikki Bella made her return, likely at an expensive premium. While she on occasion can have a good match, she is too often content to stick with the lazy sloppiness that marred the Divas division for far too long. Guess which Nikki showed up tonight? The match itself wasn’t good and largely purple piffle, primarily because other than Natalya and Becky Lynch, no one brought their A-game to the ring. Naomi was sloppy as hell, bungling such simple spots as punches and kicks. Alexa Bliss wasn’t allowed to do 1/16th of what she showed in her NXT tenure. Carmella was OK, but still has a long way to go as far as her in-ring ability goes. Match plodded on for 11 minutes, most of which stunk. Nikki finally tagged in and immediately botched a lariat attempt that was so awful looking that Stan Hansen suddenly wished he never invented the move. Nikki then took Alex Riley’s old Fireman’s Carry finisher the TKO as her own, screwing that one up as well, covering Carmella for the pin. After this turkey came to a close, Phoenix’s own Koriander Bullard sent me the following message: “I can't believe they wasted money on a Bella. After a whole weekend of promoting women! She is a waste of money. The amount of makeup she needs alone can plaster five NXT girls. ” I couldn’t have put it any better myself . Later in the week, we would have an answer as to why Nikki Bella was given PPV time while Sheamus/Cesaro was pushed to the rush-job land of the pre-show: Cena reportedly used his influence to get his girlfriend’s match on the main card. Reportedly, he’s also the driving force behind Nikki’s pending reign as the inaugural Smackdown women’s champion next month. Finally a legitimate reason to hate the guy! ¾*
11. Winner Becomes Inaugural Universal Champion- Finn Balor Vs. Seth Rollins: Balor wrestled in his Demon King makeup. He was undefeated whenever he wore this makeup in NXT, yet Cole and Co. couldn’t be bothered to make any mention of this on commentary. Then again, McMahon has publicly said he doesn’t get why NXT is so popular and his booking thus far of NXT call-ups has certainly bore this out. Balor/Rollins really should have been the main event, especially since it was crowning the inaugural champion of a brand new world championship. The fact that two guys both recently nailed for abusing PEDs still received the top two PPV match slots only further emphasizes that there is a hideous double standard still prevalent in WWE as long as McMahon remains in charge. I think it’s a total disgrace, but as long as McMahon remains in power, it won’t change. Anyway, Balor and Rollins deserve a ton of credit for giving us a great match on a night were one was desperately needed and desired. It was even more impressive upon discovering that Balor worked the entire second half with a severe shoulder injury incurred during a Buckle Bomb into the fan barrier outside the ring. It is believed that Balor made the tragic error of attempting to take the bump off his extended arm while grabbing onto the fan barrier. That hasn’t stopped that old disgruntled grouch Bret Hart from shouting out how Rollins was solely to blame for the injury, counting on all the gullible marks that believe every word he says to swallow such tripe. But that’s another article for another day. If there were negatives regarding the match, I admit the match being a tad too leisurely paced was one to be sure. Not helping was that early on in the match both men were visibly distracted by the live Brooklyn fans incessant chants against the newly unveiled Universal title belt, which Koriander Bullard cheekily dubbed the Kool-Aid Championship. Yes, it was so garishly red that even I half expected the Kool-Aid Man to burst through the Titantron. But I digress. It was easy to see why Rollins and Mick Foley were so royally pissed off at the fans’ tacky verbal hijacking. So as a result, both men had to take things up a notch in an attempt to get the live fans into the match and away from making lame mocking chants against the physical belt. They did so by having one of the stiffest matches not involving that oversized egotist Brock Lesnar. It wound up coming at a costly price considering Balor’s injury, so perhaps it was a bit too stiff. Both men got tons of near falls, including a Balor kickout of Rollins’ pedigree. Rollins attempted another Pedigree, but Balor broke free and leveled his rival with a flurry of running dropkicks. He scaled the ropes and finished off Rollins with the double foot stomp off the top ropes for the pin. The announcers hyped that Balor was the first man in all of pro wrestling to ever win a world title in his PPV debut. Guess we’re not counting The Giant’s WCW World title win at Halloween Havoc 1995. ****1/2 Unfortunately, Balor’s shoulder injury was severe enough to require surgery and a recovery time of between 6 months and 1 year, resulting in him vacating the Universal title 22 hours later on Monday Night Raw. If the word on the street proves accurate, Roman Reigns is scheduled to win the vacant Universal title this coming Monday on Raw, further proving that not only is Vince McMahon blindly stubborn and stone deaf when it comes to the virulent fan reaction to Reigns, but that the Wellness Policy means nothing when you’re a pet of the boss. Speaking of Reigns… 12. United States Champion Rusev Vs. Roman Reigns: What match? As Reigns was walking through the crowd en route to ringside, Rusev attacked the surly Samoan. Reigns fought back, sparking a full-fledged brawl. Something snapped inside Reigns, as he savagely beat Rusev to the point that the latter started clutching his ribs in pain. Reigns wouldn’t let up his attack, so the refs had no choice but to call off the official start of the match and eject Reigns from ringside. Reigns smirked as he was showered by a chorus of boos, especially when the live fans in Brooklyn realized there wasn’t going to be a match and were the victims of a McMahon-approved bait-and-switch. No Rating 13. Brock Lesnar Vs. Randy Orton: Lesnar’s popularity has taken a nosedive ever since it was reported that he was exempt from the company’s Wellness Policy and that McMahon flat out refuses to punish the egotistical PED-abusing Beast. He was booed out of the Barclays Center with such gusto that you’d think he had pulled down his shorts and taken a giant dump inside the ring. Orton received a shockingly strong face pop, partly because it was his major arena return after a long recovery from shoulder injuries and partly due to Lesnar being on the personal s***lists of many fans these days. Personal feelings aside, the two are both superb in-ring performers and they were up for a strong match. While Lesnar dominated most of the match, Orton was allowed some offense, preventing it from being a one-sided annihilation by Lesnar. Originally the match was supposed to be more evenly matched, but Lesnar flat out refused to go through with a 50-50 booked match. Boy, Dean Ambrose’s credibility sure shot up, didn’t it? (He directly blamed Lesnar for their lackluster Wrestlemania match, flat out saying that the Beast refused to cooperate and go with any booking other than him dominating.) Yet despite the booking changes, this was an excellent match; super stiff with a lot of heat. Then disaster struck. Lesnar took his gloves off and began brutally pounding on Orton’s head, busting him open with ultra-stiff elbow shots to the top of the skull. The blood started pouring like wine, prompting the ref and medics to attend to Orton’s wound. Normally I hate it when matches are stopped dead to seal up cuts, but since Orton’s blood was forming large puddles on the mat and he has a history of serious concussions, I concurred with the ref’s decision to stop the match. Where I disagreed was with rewarding Lesnar with an official victory he didn’t deserve. Take for example when the ref and medics started attending to a bloody, groggy Orton. A normal human being would step back and let the medics do their work, but not Lesnar. He pounced on Orton and kept pounding him in the head, making the cut even deeper and bloodier. After the refs pulled him away, Lesnar broke free and kept beating on Orton like a tackling dummy. Finally, the ref called for the bell. Considering that Anderson & Gallows/New Day and Reigns/Rusev were given non-finishes where no one won, I was appalled at the double standard in play by giving Lesnar a victory he didn’t deserve. What I wonder is why is Lesnar so seemingly bulletproof? Is McMahon really so afraid of Lesnar that he gave him the win in spite of a legitimate non-finish? The hilarity continued as Lesnar attacked Shane McMahon, who had entered the ring to check on Lesnar. While this was clearly an angle to set up a future match (which is currently scheduled to take place at the 2017 Royal Rumble PPV), it felt disquieting and tacky after seeing Randy Orton’s brains nearly ooze out of his skull. A flat finish to a flat PPV. How appropriate! ****
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